


down we go, wish me well

by emilia_kaisa



Series: way down we go [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Police, Angst and Feels, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Human Trafficking, Implied Sexual Content, Investigations, M/M, Not Beta Read, Some Humor, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, i sold my soul to this universe, way down we go indeed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-07-29 03:49:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16256057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: A year and a half have passed since events in Toronto; Yuzuru and Javier live together in Madrid, as happy as two young people in love can be. But when Yuzuru is suddenly needed back in his hometown, Javier decides to go with him, not really thinking about what consequences can it bring. There are secrets to be revealed, words to be said, and an investigation to be solved.Will they hold on?(aka 'way down we go' sequel with an extra amount of angst, a ton of fluff and a bunch of feels; and also, a crime)





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> When I was writing 'way down we go' I didn't really think about writing any follow up, but the response I got was really amazing! You guys came up with so many questions and emotions about this little verse, that I just had to write more (I got kinda obsessed with their story on the way). So here we go!  
> Title taken from this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqsiJPK-94Q).  
> Please note that English isn't my first language, I try my best :D  
> I really hope you'll enjoy this one guys!

 

 

Javier opened his eyes and he was almost blinded by pristine white snow surrounding him, harsh sun dancing in a million of reflexes and grazing his skin with its warm rays. In front of him, there was a breathtaking view of Pyrenees, and Javier couldn't quite believe he had never been there before, Spain was so beautiful-

\- something tapped his forehead lightly and he narrowed his eyes, it was way too high above the sea level for any bugs to live, so what the heck was that?

„Jaaavi.”

The view disappeared abruptly and Javier groaned. He opened his eyes and saw Yuzuru, who was leaning over him with a smile, fully dressed and apparently ready to leave for work.

„Wake up, sleepy.” Yuzuru grinned before kissing Javier's forehead briefly „I need to run, my boss made it clear that it's something important.”

„Good luck.” Javier muttered, rubbing his eyes and trying his best to wake up „You remember we've a dinner at my parents at five?”

„Of course.” Yuzuru fixed his tie and gave Javier a knowing smile „Your coffee is in the kitchen.” he added before heading to the door and Javier grinned.

„I love you too!” he yelled after Yuzuru, getting a warm chuckle in response.

It took him only ten minutes to get out from the bed and to the kitchen. Everything around him was familiar by now. When he had moved in back in March, he was utterly confused with Yuzuru's placement of cultery and cleaning stuff, but they managed to work it all out- meaning Javier had put everything into reasonable places and Yuzuru just had to agree with him. Now, with June just around the corner, Javier felt in that place perfectly fine.

Sipping his coffee, Javier sat by the table with a strong intention to look at a conspect of his upcoming class, but he ended up staring into the void and grinning like an idiot.

It was still so hard to believe, sometimes.

They had met barely a year and a half before, spent a few intense days on being confused and hanging on an emotional swing. And now they were here, very much in love and ridiculously happy.

Yuzuru fit into Madrid perfectly, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. His Spanish was improving fast, he liked his new working environment and life in Spain overall. Javier's friends and family adored him and it all seemed to fall into place. It felt a bit different that his previous relationships; maybe because he had never been with a man before, or maybe because they had already been through so much together, bonded by trust and ties that couldn't be broken.

The beggining of their relationship had been rocky and complicated, but they fought through it, jumping through hoops and proving to each other everyday that it was worth fighting for.

 

 

Halfway the day Javier was in a great mood. The first class wasn't his favourite- he still wasn't sure how to deal with teenagers and their weird behaviour; but then he had English for seniors, which was a guaranteed hour and a half of pure fun.

He was standing in their small kitchenette, preparing himself a coffee and gossiping with Sergio about their colleagues, when Javier's phone rang shortly.

„Oh, is it your man calling?” Sergio asked and Javier sticked his tongue at him.

„Exactly.” he said and walked out to the corridor to have some privacy and not give Sergio any reasons to teasing „Hey baby, what's up?”

„I might be running a little bit late today.” Yuzuru said quickly „I'll meet you at your parents' place, okay?”

„Yeah, sure.” Javier said slowly; Yuzuru was trying to sound all casual, but Javier could sense that something was off „What's wrong?”

„Everything's fine, don't worry.” Yuzuru said and Javier winced; Yuzuru was usually so open about his thoughts and needs, but when it came to sharing with Javier his worries and difficulties, he was turning into a silent rock. They were working on it steadily, but Yuzuru still tended to claim that everything was fine when it wasn't.

„I love you.” Yuzuru added suddenly before hanging up and Javier frowned. There was a thousand question and worries in his head, but he decided to stay calm. Love was all about trust, so he trusted Yuzuru to tell him if something was seriously wrong.

„Everything alright, man? You look weird.” Sergio said and Javier smiled at him easily.

„All good, all good.” he said, taking his cup from a counter „So, have you watched the last episode of _La Casa de Papel_?” he asked and Sergio gasped.

„Oh my god, yes, that was so crazy like-” he started talking animatedly and Javier welcomed the chatter gratefully, trying to get his mind to the right place before his next class.

 

 

„Javi!” his mom smiled and kissed his cheek „So great you're here! But where's Yuzuru?”

„He had to stay at work a little bit longer, he'll come as soon as he can.”

During the day he managed to convince himself that Yuzuru was probably just stressed because of work, maybe his boss had given him some big case finally and he was very concerned about it.

His mom was fiddling in the kitchen, denying any offers of help, so Javier stayed in the living room, talking and joking with his dad and Laura.

Yuzuru came only twenty minutes later, an apologetic smile on his lips and his hair slightly ruffled.

„Sorry.” he said sheepishly, taking a seat next to Javier and kissing his cheek briefly- a Spanish habit he had picked up pretty quickly.

„Don't worry, we all now how work can be.” Javier's dad smiled and Laura nodded.

„Yeah, how's work in general, Yuzuru? Javi in here doesn't complain about his, he's a grammar lover now.”

„Let's say I dsicovered beauty of languages.” Javier said with a snort and turned his head to Yuzuru, who looked torn for a mere second.

„It's good. Working in Europe is so much fun.” Yuzuru said and everyone smiled at that, but Javier knew that he was dodging the question, and suddenly he was worried again.

„Okay, Laura, it's your turn now.” he said, taking the attention off Yuzuru; Laura eagerly started with a very descriptive story about some patient of her and Javier smiled and nodded, listening only with one ear.

Yuzuru seemed to be tense, his shoulders stiff, and Javier's heart squeezed at the sight how uncomfortable he looked. So he put his hand on Yuzuru's knee reassuringly, and Yuzuru exhaled deeply, as if that simple gesture helped him to release some pressure. He smiled at Javier briefly and his muscles relaxed a little. Javier smiled back, almost getting lost in the moment, when Laura cleared her throat, not discreet at all.

„You're disgusting.” she announced and he rolled his eyes.

„You're jealous.” he answered, grinning smugly, and she gaped.

„Oh shush.” their mom said, putting a steaming pan on a table and shaking her head „You're grown up enough to stop bickering about everything.” she sat down next to her husband and smiled „Hello, Yuzuru, how are you doing?”

„I'm good, just pretty busy lately.” Yuzuru smiled politely and changed the topic masterfully „It smells really good.”

„It's my grandma's recipe, I found it lately in our old cooking book.”

They all fell into a familiar chatter, just laughing and talking about light, comfortable topics, sharing smiles and food and warmth. So Javier decided to put all his worries aside and make Yuzuru talk about whatever that was as soon as they get home.

 

* * *

 

Apparently Yuzuru's plans for the evening didn't include talking, because the second the door to their apartment shut, he kissed Javier as if his life depended on it. Javier didn't really resist, because really, who would. It was the first time that day when they got to make out and Javier wouldn't throw the opportunity away. But when Yuzuru's hand sneaked under his shirt, his cool fingers grazing the skin there, Javier drew back gently.

„I think we've some talking to do first.” he said and Yuzuru groaned, dropping his forehead on Javier's collarbone.

„It can wait.” he muttered unconvincingly and Javier chuckled.

„Okay, I can agree on going to the bedroom, but first things first.”

They sat down on the bed, facing each other, their feet touching. Yuzuru was looking down at his hands, his fingers twitching, and that was how Javier knew that something was really bothering him. Yuzuru was so good at hiding his emotions, since the day they had met, but Javier was now pretty good at reading him and picking up all the signs.

„Hey.” he tickled Yuzuru's foot lightly „What it's all about? Just talk to me.”

Yuzuru finally looked at him, his expression conflicted.

„So you know that my boss wanted to meet me this morning?” Yuzuru asked and Javier nodded „It was because my previous bureau contacted him. There's some investigation going on and they asked if I could come to help them.”

Javier tilted his head a little, waiting for Yuzuru to continue, but he clamped his mouth shut, just looking at Javier.

„That's not everything.” Javier said gently and Yuzuru sighed.

„It's human trafficking, probably. People are disappearing without a word and no bodies were found. I've experience in cases like that and-” he swallowed hard „- it's happening in Sendai.”

Yuzuru was looking at him as if he was expecting some kind of a strong reaction, but Javier just smiled, feeling calm and sure.

„You should go.” he said softly and Yuzuru's eyes widened like in surprize „They need you. And you could spend some time with your family.”

Yuzuru never said that, but Javier knew how much he missed his family. He hadn't been home since moving to Madrid all the way back in September, and Javier sometimes felt guilty for that, as if he was making Yuzuru attached to that place too much.

„It might take weeks. I don't want to leave you.” Yuzuru said, his voice just a tad higher than usual.

„Yuzu, it's fine.” Javier assured him quickly, but Yuzuru still looked unconvinced, and Javier sighed quietly. He sometimes wondered where it was coming from, that kind of fear of separation. Since they had gotten together, Yuzuru was very reluctant to stay away from Javier; it wasn't anything bad by any means, rather normal for serious relationships, but Javier couldn't help but feel as if a reason for that was rooted somewhere deeper. Sometimes he was under an impression that Yuzuru was scared to leave him even for a few days, but he ignored all Javier's gentle questions, brushing the topic away.

„Okay.” Javier said after a few minutes of intense thinking „I think I can take two, three weeks off, if I smile at Sara nice enough and make a deal with Lina and Sergio. Summer's not really busy.”

„What?” Yuzuru blinked, confused.

„I could go with you.” Javier shrugged, smiling bashfully „Meet your family finally, set up a day with Miki and Hima maybe. Be your moral support.” Yuzuru was still staring at him silently, so Javier moved even closer and put a hand on his knee „Come on, Yuzu. They apparently really need your help over there, since they called for you. It means they think only you can help them. And you would see your family, too. You should go. And I can come with you, maybe not for all that time, but at least for a few weeks.”

Yuzuru was looking at him with those big eyes, his lower lip trembling just a little.

„I swear I won't be meddling with the case too, I'll be doing plain touristic stuff.” Javier said quickly, just to be sure „And I plan to harass your mom to teach me how to cook something Japanese, so I could prepare it for you sometime.” he added lightly and Yuzuru swallowed hard.

„I'd be working a lot there.” he said finally „I don't know how much time would I be able to spend with you and-”

„It's okay.” Javier smiled „I'll still get to kiss you goodnight, right?”

Yuzuru's lips curled up as he looked at Javier, his eyes so much brighter than just a second before.

„I'd rather have you kiss me now.” he whispered, leaning closer, and Javier chuckled against his mouth.

 

 

„So” Javier laughed quietly, nuzzling into Yuzuru's slightly damp hair „Am I going to bump into any of your exes there?”

„Sure.” Yuzuru deadpanned, tilting his head and pressing a kiss to Javier's jaw „I hooked up with half of the city.”

„Please tell me I'm in the top three.” Javier said with a fake concern and Yuzuru snorted.

„Okay, I'll give that to you.” he said, and then, after a moment „Actually, we might meet my old neighbour, we had a thing for about two months. But I don't know if she still lives there.”

„Ohh, did you break the poor girl's heart?” Javier asked teasingly and Yuzuru laughed against his neck.

„I don't think I've that power.”

They never really had a big talk about their exes. Javier wouldn't mind having one, but Yuzuru was still so painfully uptight in that case. The few times Javier got some information was in moments like that, when they were tangled together, loose and relaxed; bits of their pasts thrown in between jokes and funny remarks. Maybe it wasn't exactly like what Javier was used to, but he was okay with doing all of that on Yuzuru's terms and at his pace.

Javier liked to believe that there was a lifetime together ahead of them, so much time to get to know each other perfectly. He thought that it made sense, how their relationship was developing. From their first meeting in cold, snowy Toronto, through all the ups and downs, rushes of adrenaline and moments that could freeze blood in their veins.

„I can hear you thinking.” Yuzuru said, raising a little bit on Javier's chest and looking at him closely. Javier smiled, brushing Yuzuru's hair from his forehead and then moving his hand to his cheek.

„It's nothing.” he said and Yuzuru snorted.

„Of course, you say nothing, but when I try to hide something you always force me to talk.” he said with a fake pout, traces of laughter in his voice „So unfair.”

„I'm just happy.” Javier said with a shrug and Yuzuru's face softened. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Javier's, smiling.

„That's all I wanted.” he said sheepishly and then giggled when Javier pulled him closer.

 

* * *

 

Oddly enough, their plane was half empty, so they were pleasantly surprised when they discovered that nobody was sitting next to them.

„This is kinda weird, but I'm not complaining.” Javier noticed when they took their seats and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

Javier didn't have much trouble with getting days off; Sara just waved and told him to enjoy his _quality relationship time_ and jokingly threatening him with a ton of paperwork. Summer was practically there and days at their language school were turning more lazy, so his absence wouldn't cause them too much trouble.

„You think your parents will let us stay in one room?” Javier asked teasingly and Yuzuru snorted.

„Don't be silly. Of course.” he said, but then his face turned serious; he took Javier's hand, his thumb caressing his palm „But you know that in Japan-”

„Don't worry, I know the drill, no public affection.” Javier assured him, but Yuzuru was still frowning, so he decided to keep on his silly attitude to cheer him up „But you know, there's a more important question.” he leaned closer, speaking lowly in Yuzuru's ear „Do your parents have heavy sleep?”

„Oh my god.” Yuzuru groaned, shaking his head, but Javier could see how he was trying not to laugh „You're terrible.”

„You mean terribly amazing.”

They were bickering for a while until they got interrupted by a smiling flight attendant offering them drinks. After that Yuzuru insisted on watching a movie and Javier got stuck with _Love, actually._ In June. Surprisingly, Yuzuru really did have a thing for rom- coms.

„Wait.” Javier gasped at one point, poking Yuzuru with a finger „Did you steal the move from Colin Firth?”

„Hmm?”

„The whole showing up at work and learning a language thing!”

Yuzuru just smirked.

„Maybe.”

„I'm so telling everyone.”

Yuzuru fell asleep the moment the movie ended, snoring quietly- a sign that he was tired. Javier smiled softly and leaned his cheek on the top of Yuzuru's head, closing his eyes.

He had been in Japan once before, a brief visit with Miki about three years back. He had been so excited back then, and he was excited now as well. He couldn't wait to meet Yuzuru's parents and sister; they had seen each other a few times during their family skype talks, waving awkwardly and exhanging a few sentences. They seemed nice and Yuzuru was assuring him that they were happy for them, so Javier wasn't too scared.

Javier smiled, feeling sleep taking over his body.

He wondered foggily what was waiting for them in that distant, mysterious country, in Yuzuru's homeland.

Oh, if he had only known.

 


	2. look to the sky, you can see me falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First two days in Japan are full of surprizing information and Javier has some reflections about his relationship with Yuzuru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent most of my weekend on writing this chapter, you better enjoy :p I know some things might by mysterious and stuff, but be patient, the story has just begun!  
> Chapter title sponsored by this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hp-qUOGXaRk)!

 

They landed in Tokyo in the morning, after almost fourteen hours, and Javier felt like pulled through a mangle.

The main Interpol bureau in Japan was located in the capital, so it was arranged for them to stay there for one night so Yuzuru could go through briefing; then they would go to Sendai in the afternoon on the next day.

„They were surprised when you told them you'd be coming with someone?” Javier asked when they were standing at the luggage claim, and Yuzuru chuckled.

„Not really. When I was transferring I told them it was because I met someone, so some of them are excited to meet you.”

„Does it mean I'll get to see the headquarters?” Javier asked, feeling kind of excited.

„Sure, you'll get your pass if you want. Oh, there it is.” Yuzuru picked up his bag and groaned tiredly „They told me they'd send someone to take us to the hotel, so we can shower and stuff, and then we'll go.”

„Sounds good.” Javier said, suddenly obsessed with a thought of showering.

The arrivals hall was incredibly crowded, but Yuzuru immediately spotted a familiar face, waving a at a pretty woman in a nice dress- suit.

„Hello, Wakaba.” he greeted her and she smiled widely.

„It's so nice to see you.” she said, her voice honest; then she moved her gaze to Javier and her expression turned curious.

„Me and Wakaba used to work together.” Yuzuru explained and then smiled at Javier briefly „And he's my partner.” he said, not specifying, but Wakaba brightened up immediately.

„Nice to meet you, Javier.” she said and then clapped her hands „Okay guys, let's go, the traffic's awful already.”

Javier could see that Yuzuru was kind of excited to talk with Wakaba, so he announced he would nap in a backseat so they could catch up. He drifted away the moment he rested his head against the headboard, letting himself fall into some somnolence.

He woke up abruptly when Wakaba pulled over rather sharply.

„Okay guys, that's your place.” she said cheerfully and Javier almost choked when he looked outside. He could tell that Japanese Interpol didn't have any troubles with money and was pretty open- handed.

„I'll pick you up in hour and a half.” Wakaba added and waved them goodbye.

The hotel looked fancy enough from outside, but inside it was even more impressive. Javier eyed the bed- enormously big and comfy looking- with longing before dropping his suitcase to the floor.

„You can get to the shower first.” Yuzuru offered generously and Javier smiled.

„Thanks, I feel like I'll have to lilerally tear my clothes off my skin.” he complained, quickly grabbing a change of clothes „Unless you want to join me.”

„I've got a few calls to make.” Yuzuru sighed, fishing his phone out of a pocket, and Javier pouted. Yuzuru grinned, phone next to his ear „In the evening.” he mouthed and Javier laughed.

Hour and a half later Wakaba picked them up, the car filled with nice piano music.

„You guys had time to rest a little bit?” she asked and Yuzuru winced.

„More or less.” he said and she giggled.

„Ah, good old Yuzu, grumpy as always. How can you stand him?” she asked Javier, who chuckled sheepishly; Wakaba smiled and changed the topic politely „So, Javier, is it your first time in Japan?”

„No, I've been to Nagoya a few years back.” he said.

„Oh, nice!” she exclaimed and they started a casual conversation about tourism and then music. Yuzuru didn't speak much, listening and smiling to himself slightly.

The Interpol headquarters was a big, modern building, not really different from the ones surrounding them. They parked in a underground parking and Wakaba walked them to the ground floor, where Javier's pass was already waiting for them.

„Yuzuru” Javier whispered as they were walking down the corridor, Yuzuru leading the way with confidence and nodding at the people passing them „Is it compulsory for everyone to wear a suit in here?”

Yuzuru snorted, eyeing Javier's immortal button- up.

„Not really. But you know, the suit looks professional and we want to make a good impression.”

„You mean intimidate everyone. Do you have a competition who has a fancier tie?”

„No, whose is more expensive.” Yuzuru deadpanned and Javier gaped.

They entered something what looked like a reception and a waiting room at once; there was one guy sitting behind the desk; he seemed to be incredibly bored, but he cracked a smile when he saw them.

„Hi, Shoma.” Yuzuru smiled „Good to see you.”

„Wish I could say the same.” Shoma said and Javier snorted.

Shoma shifted his gaze to Javier and tilted his head a little.

„Shoma, Javier.” Yuzuru introduced them shortly „Could you let Dai know we're here?”

Shoma rolled his eyes and pressed a button placed on his desk. A moment later the door behind him opened and Javier saw a very elegant, handsome man in the nicest suit he had ever seen.

„Yuzuru!” the man- Daisuke, apparently- smiled broadly and shook Yuzuru's hand „I'm so happy to see you! We missed you here.” then he looked at Javier, still smiling friendly „And I guess you're the reason of his absence. Javier, right? I'm Daisuke.” his grip on Javier's hand was strong and sure.

„It's nice to meet you.” Javier grinned, feeling some good energy radiating from the guy; he glanced at Yuzuru briefly before speaking again „So I guess I'll just wait here, yes? And you can do your agent thing.”

„I think there's no need for that.” Daisuke said lightly and Javier narrowed his eyes, confused; Yuzuru on his side tensed, but Daisuke didn't seem to notice „Actually, I'd like you to come in too.”

„He's a civilian, Dai.” Yuzuru said, his voice tight „He came to Japan to meet my family, not to patricipate in the investigation.”

„And I don't ask him to do that.” Daisuke said calmly „But he was a detective not so long ago, pretty damn good from what I've heard.” Javier tried his best not to blush at those words, deciding to focus on figuring out what the hell was going on. In front of him, Yuzuru and Daisuke were eyeing each other with set expressions and Javier felt horribly uncomfortable.

„I don't think it's a good idea.” Yuzuru said darkly and Daisuke sighed, running his hand through his hair.

„Look, Yuzuru, I know you don't like it, be you need to understand: our best agents were working on it for the past three months and we're stuck in one place. I don't ask Javier to grab a gun and run after criminals, I just want some fresh eye and new insight. Only that.”

Javier was only able to stare at Daisuke, astonished; that was the last thing he had expected to hear.

He had given up his previous job without much regret, rather feeling something closer to relief. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see a part of that world yet again, but on the other side, he was feeling really curious about the case Yuzuru would be working on. Yuzuru himself looked a bit distressed, still looking at Daisuke suspiciously.

Javier swallowed hard.

„Like Yuzuru said, I'm a civilian now, not even carrying a gun anymore.” he noticed, just nailing the light tone of his voice „But if you think that I can help you somehow, I'd be happy to.”

Yuzuru shot him an unreadable glance and Daisuke smiled, clearly relieved.

„Great. I guess we can come inside now.” he said, inviting them with a gesture.

Javier glanced at Shoma while passing by his desk, but the guy's expression was blank and kind of scary, as if he hadn't just witnessed one pretty intense exchange.

Daisuke wasted no time, telling them to seat and turning the projector on.

„The first person disappeared on 8th of February.” Daisuke said, showing them a picture of a man in his thirties „You'll get the full info later, I just want to show you what you'll be dealing with.” he nodded towards Yuzuru and then continued „Since that moment seven people disappeared; they're not connected to each other in any way, at least we didn't find any proof that they know each other. They're all male, age range 23 to 35. Disappeared during evening hours, coming back from work or a store, in two cases.”

„No witnesses?”

„Only in two cases, but they just saw victims being knocked out and dragged to a van without a number by a few people with covered faces. There's no bodies, no camera footage, no ransom.” he shook his head and showed them a slide with all missing men „Their profiles are pretty similar, as you can see.”

Javier felt a little bit overwhelmed, but he snapped out of his daze when Yuzuru inhaled sharply next to him.

„Kazuo Anderson?” Yuzuru asked, his voice surprized „I- we went to high school together. Played in the baseball team.” he looked uneasy and all Javier wanted to do was to reassure him somehow, but he didn't know if his partner would appreciate any open affection now.

„Really?” Daisuke looked surprized too, but he collected himself immediately „You're okay with working on this case then?”

„We weren't friends or anything, I just knew him.” Yuzuru explained shortly and Daisuke nodded.

„As I was saying, we suspect human trafficking, but we've no idea where they could be transported.”

They all fell silent for a moment and Javier was kind of grateful that it wasn't his job anymore. Still, Daisuke had asked him for help, so he decided to open his mouth finally.

„They're in the age when stamina is the highest.” he noticed „You think it's possible they were kidnapped for labor?”

„You probably know that we're the biggest human trafficking destination in the region.” Daisuke said and Javier nodded „But actually kidnapping Japanese citizens is not that common lately, especially when it comes to men. If they need labor, they usually take people from the South- East.”

„Unless they're taking them abroad.” Javier noticed „You guys have a harbour in there, right? How hard it can be to smuggle a few people on a ship to Russia or somewhere?”

„You checked the harbour for any weird connections?” Yuzuru asked and Daisuke grimaced.

„We monitore the situation, but we can't get a search warrant if we don't have any evidence. And we've close to nothing.”

„This doesn't look promising.” Yuzuru sighed „Who's on it?”

„Satoko was the main handler before we called for you, so you'll work together. She and Keiji are already in Sendai, you've a room at the main police station.” Daisuke explained „Told them you'd join a day after tomorrow.”

„But-” Yuzuru started to oppose and Daisuke cut him off with a gesture of his hand.

„Tomorrow you'll be travelling and meeting your family. Get rid of the jet lag first, we need you in top shape.”

Yuzuru pursed his lips and nodded. Javier could see that he wanted get into the case as soon as possible, but Daisuke was right.

They started talking about details again and Javier decided to excuse himself.

„I need to find some caffeine.” he flashed them a smile „I'll wait for you out there, okay?” he asked Yuzuru, who nodded in response.

„It was great to meet you, Javier.” Daisuke shook his hand „We've got a coffee machine right there in the corridor.”

„Thanks.” Javier grinned and went on a quest to find his fuel.

A few minutes later he was sitting on a sofa in front of clearly very bored to death Shoma, sipping his coffee and just looking around.

„You worked together in Toronto, right?”

Javier raised his head, surprized by Shoma's sudden question.

„Yeah.”

„It was a big success, right?” Shoma pressed and Javier shrugged.

„Sure, if not counting that I got shot.” he said jokingly without thinking and Shoma blinked a few times, clearly surprized.

„Really?” he asked and Javier cursed himself internally for his big mouth.

„Yeah, but it's like, all okay now.” he said quickly, but Shoma just stared at him weirdly and Javier felt kind of stupid. Seriosuly, that was the worst topic to boast about. Luckily, after only a few minutes of akward silence, the door to Daisuke's office opened and Yuzuru appeared, all serious and with a folder in his hand.

„All done here, we can go.” he smiled briefly at Javier and then turned to Shoma „It was nice to see you, Sho.”

„Same.” Shoma said, sounding distracted „Good luck on the case, Yuzuru.”

The ride back to the hotel was quiet, Yuzuru staring out the window, and Javier had a weird feeling that he had done something wrong.

„Are you mad at me?” he asked when they entered their room and Yuzuru blinked, as if he just woke up, and gave Javier a tired smile.

„No, of course not, I just-” he sighed and took his jacket off, tossing it on the bed „I didn't want you to get involved.”

„I'm not involved.” Javier said, making his way to Yuzuru and putting his hands on his shoulders „And you know that, I only said like, two sentences and that;s it. But it's kinda flattering when a mighty Interpol boss thinks that I'm good enough to help.”

„Daisuke's not the boss.” Yuzuru noticed and Javier rolled his eyes.

„Whatever, I don't get your hierarchy. But I get why you dislike it and I promise, I'm gonna stay away unless you ask me about my very professional opinion.” Javier said, pressing his lips to Yuzuru's in a short kiss.

Yuzuru relaxed visibly, his arms wrapping around Javier's neck, smiling against his mouth.

„Speaking of professional” Yuzuru muttered, leaning in again „Have I mentioned that I love the new glasses? Giving you extra teacher look.”

„Oh really.” Javier mumbled in between kisses, grinning.

„Mhh, you should take them off so they don't break.” Yuzuru said Javier giggled, drawing back for a second to put his glasses on a night table.

„Maybe you should take off your clothes, so they don't get wet in the shower.” Javier suggested breathlessly and Yuzuru laughed, loudly and carelessly, as if the outside world suddenly stopped existing.

 

* * *

 

On the plane to Sendai, Javier actually started getting a little bit nervous.

„You think they'll like me?” he asked and Yuzuru sighed, smiling at him reassuringly.

„They're going to love you.” he said, but that didn't really calm Javier's nerves.

He knew that Yuzuru's parents had handled news about his orientation pretty well, back when he was still a teenager. Javier himself never had a trouble with charming his partner's parents- Miki's mother absolutely adored him, for example- but that time it felt somehow even more important, and he was really stressing out. Knowing that he would be doing most of talking in Japanese was pretty terrifying too; his skills were much better than before, thanks to a lot of practice with Yuzuru, but he was still feeling unsure.

„Just be yourself.” Yuzuru said, his voice softer, but that advice just scared Javier more.

„But I can't tell jokes in Japanese.” he whined and Yuzuru laughed at his tone.

„You've got so much more to offer than just your sense of humor, Javi.” Yuzuru said, his smile growing bigger, and Javier suddenly felt really warm inside.

First member of Yuzuru's family he would met was going to be Saya, who was supposed to pick them up. Javier had seen her pictures before, but when they stood in the arrivals he couldn't find her face in the sea of people. Yuzuru, on the other hand, made a sqeaky noise, dropped his bag and threw himself in the arms of a woman standing a few metres away.

Javier stayed a few steps back, letting them have their reunion. He knew how it was to reunite with loved ones after time apart, and he knew how it was to miss his older sister.

After a few minutes they finally untangled for each other, wide smiles on their faces, and then Saya looked over Yuzuru's shoulder and straight into Javier's eyes.

Her smile was just like Yuzuru's.

„Hello, Javier.” Saya said and then, to his slight surprise, she gave him a warm hug „It's so nice to meet you, I've heard so much about you.”

„Hope only good things.” he said a little nervously and she laughed briefly.

„The best.”

Javier managed to calm down for the time of the ride, but when Saya stopped the car in front of a one- storey house with a small garden, he actually felt his insides twisting into knots. Yuzuru, on the other hand, looked completely overwhelmed, so Javier gritted his teeth and tried to stop being ridiculous.

Javier followed Saya and Yuzuru into the house, snapping out if his daze to take off his shoes. Then they went to the living room, when their parents were waiting. Javier stopped by the door, feeling a little bit intimidated by the scene in front of him. It was both heartwarming and somehow too intimate, and he suddenly wasn't sure if he was supposed to witness that.

Yuzuru's mother eyes were shining when she drew back a little, a soft smile on her lips. She said something quietly and Yuzuru's face lightened up. Then she moved her eyes to Javier and he almost got an heartattack.

„And you're Javier.” she said with a warm smile and he swallowed hard, making his way to her.

„Yeah, that's me.” he said awkwardly, not really sure what to do; but she just smiled a bit wider and pulled him into a short, warm hug.

„It's so nice to finally meet you.” she said, speaking a bit slowly, like she wanted to make sure he would understand her; she took a small step back, looking at him closely „You've kind eyes. I guess I've to trust you.” she said and Javier gaped, not really sure what to say to that. Luckily, Yuzuru's father came to his rescue and shook his hand with a slight smile.

„Go get settled in Yuzu's room.” Saya said, nudging Yuzuru „And we'll get the dinner ready.”

„Well, that went better than you imagined, right?” Yuzuru asked with traces of laughter in his voice.

Javier just nodded absently, looking around Yuzuru's old room. It was pretty minimalistic, with only needed pieces of furniture; which made sense, since he didn't live there anymore, but also it kinda fit his whole lifestyle- he was a tidy and collected, fussing when Javier didn't fold his socks.

„Yeah.” he sighed, slumping on a bed and rubbing his eyes „They're all so nice, I don't know why I was so afraid.”

Now, that his adrenaline level dropped, he could feel all the exhaustion and jet lag taking over his body and no bed ever looked more comfortable than that one.

„You're okay?” Yuzuru asked thoughtfully, taking Javier's face in his hands and rubbing his temples soothingly „If you want to rest you don't have to-”

„No, no, I'm okay.” Javier said quickly „And I'm really hungry.”

„Mom'll be happy.” Yuzuru smiled „She harassed me so long about what you like to eat.”

„I'll eat everything.” Javier said with a roll of his eyes and Yuzuru chuckled.

„That's what I said.”

The dinner was comfortable and nice, with a ton of delicious food and a nice, casual conversation- mostly Yuzuru's parents asking him about his life in Spain; they probably knew most of the answers already, but wanted to hear them in person and not via crappy skype connection. They all smiled at Javier, asked him polite questions too, and he felt stupid for dreading meeting them so much.

At some point Yuzuru's father opened a bottle of plum wine and that seemed to be a signal for some more advanced questions.

„So, Javier.” Saya smiled at him easily „Can I have a question for you?”

„Of course.”

„My terrible brother loves talking about you, so I feel like I know you already, but somehow he barely talks about the time you spent in Toronto. So now I'm going to harass you about that. What was your first impression? How did you guys work together?”

Javier blinked, stunned. He looked at Yuzuru, whose face was blank, and he felt a little bit uncomfortable. He knew that Yuzuru wasn't open about his feelings that much, but he thought that his familly actually knew everything, so he wasn't sure how much he could say now.

„He really didn't tell you about that?” he tried to stall, and Yuzuru's mother smiled, shaking her head.

„He only said that he was working with a detective and that was barely it. Then, a few months later, he announced that he was in love with you and that he would go and tell you that.” she said and Javier almost choked on his wine.

He definitely hadn't heard that part of the story.

On his right Yuzuru shifted uncomfortably, a slight grimace on his lips, and Javier suddenly felt too much pressure. Still, he smiled, because he was a pro at saving awkward situations.

„Well, to be honest, we didn't like each other that much at the beggining.” he said lightly, deciding to put all his mixed up feelings aside for now „We had pretty different working methods and it took us some time to break the ice.”

They started asking more questions and Javier did his best to answer them, deciding not to mention that he had been shot. He wondered why Yuzuru hadn't told his family about the beggining of their relationship, something weird settling in his stomach, feeling almost like insecurity.

„Thank you so much for the dinner, it was lovely.” he smiled at them after some time „But I think I need to go to sleep now, I-”

„Of course! We've so much more time ahead of us.” Yuzuru's mother nodded and then smiled gently „We're really happy you're here, Javier.”

„Me too.” Javier answered honestly and looked at Yuzuru, who gave him a tight smile.

„You go first, I'll help to clean up.” he said and Javier nodded.

Standing under a shower, he was trying to process what he had learned during the dinner. First, Yuzuru hadn't talked to his family about Toronto. Which wasn't bad, Javier guessed, but kind of surprizing. And the second thing- Yuzuru was in love with him for a bit longer than Javier had thought.

He came back to Yuzuru's room and sat on the bed, his legs crossed, waiting for his partner to take a shower so they could have a little conversation.

Yuzuru came in soon, his hair damp, and something unnamed flashed through his face when he saw that Javier was waiting for him.

„Is it a talking time again?” he asked, tossing his clothes to a closet and then turning to Javier.

„Great idea.” Javier deadpanned and then sighed when Yuzuru winced slightly „Yuzu, I'm not mad or anything, I'm just curious why-”

„You want to know why I didn't talk about Toronto.” Yuzuru stated flatly and Javier nodded. He hoped that Yuzuru would come closer, but he still stood on the other side of the room, unmoved.

„They know me too well.” he said finally, glaring at Javier and then at his feet, suddenly looking unsure „If I started to talk about you, they would know.”

„Know what?” Javier asked gently, although he felt like he knew the answer.

„That I was in love with you.” Yuzuru muttered „I didn't want them to know. I didn't want anyone to know.”

The silence stretched, warm and tingling.

„Come here.” Javier said softly and Yuzuru hesitated for a moment before making his way to the bed and sitting in front of Javier.

Javier had so many questions, but he had to start with that one.

„When did you fall in love with me, exactly?” he asked, and Yuzuru bit his lower lip.

They had never talked about it, because it didn't seem important. They loved each other and Javier never really thought it was so significant who fell for whom first. Still, he had had no idea that Yuzuru's feelings for him were going all the way back to Toronto.

„I don't know.” Yuzuru mumbled, a ghost of smile on his lips „I know when I realized it, and I was sure I didn't have a chance anyway, after everything what happened.”

Javier took Yuzuru's hand and pulled him closer, letting them fall on the bed, Yuzuru's head on his chest and his arms wrapped aroud him. They were lying in silence for a moment, Javier waiting pateintly for Yuzuru to start speaking again.

„I think I knew when we met for the last time.” Yuzuru said quietly „When you said you were coming back to Spain. I just- I just knew it then, for sure. But I don't know- I had some feelings for you before. Which is weird, because it was like, a week since we had met.” he chuckled against Javier's chest, a bit wetly „And I didn't want them to know, because they would try to comfort me, or advise me, and I- I didn't want to talk about you, because it hurt too much.”

Javier understood. Yuzuru had told him once 'it never mattered to me before, people and relationships'. Javier was the first person Yuzuru loved romantically, and that was making the whole situation harder. So Javier understood now that Yuzuru had preffered to process all of that silently. But still, he couldn't get rid of the feeling that it was only one layer, and Yuzuru's reasons were hidden somewhere deeper.

„And one day you just decided to come to Madrid?” Javier chose to ask carefully and Yuzuru nodded.

„I thought I'd get over it. Over you. Apparently, I didn't.” he chuckled quietly „I just- I was talking with Saya and it hit me all of the sudden. That I won't stop loving you, not without trying to have you.”

„Wow, we had to come all the way to Japan for you to tell me something that romantic.” Javier said teasingly and Yuzuru snorted.

„I pulled the Colin Firth move, that's enough for the next five years.”

A silence again, warm and comfortable, two hearts beating steadily against each other.

„You really don't like telling me things, don't you?” Javier asked quietly, his fingers carding through Yuzuru's hair.

„It's not-” Yuzuru sighed quietly, his hand coming to rest over Javier's chest, his fingers tracing the scar there through Javier's thin shirt „I don't like to talk about sad stuff. Especially to you.”

„You don't have to like it. But you still should talk to me anyway.” Javier pressed a kiss to the top of Yuzuru's head „You know you can trust me with everything, right?”

„I know.”

Javier waited for Yuzuru to say something more, but after a long moment his breathing turned deep and regular, and Javier realized that they were apparently done with talking for the night.

Javier was feeling pretty tired, but he didn't fall asleep easily, his mind occupied with the man snoring quietly on his chest.

Javier never had troubles with Yuzuru being a little bit indrawn; he never had a feeling that his partner was hiding something from him, he heard stories about Yuzuru's childhood or university time on daily basis. And some people would maybe call him paranoic now, but he suddenly felt as if Yuzuru was keeping to himself things that shouldn't be hidden in a relationship. At the same time Javier wasn't a person who would push his partner to do something; but there was something a little bit unsettling in Yuzuru's behaviour sometimes, and it was even more visible lately.

Yuzuru mumbled something in his sleep, nuzzling into Javier's shirt, and Javier's heart fluttered.

„It would be easier if I loved you a little bit less.” Javier muttered, feeling sleep taking control over his body, and using all his remaining consciousness to pull Yuzuru closer.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will take some time, because you know, angst is so tiring to write *wink wink*  
> And guys, I've a serious question for you! I've never posted smut before, but I'm actually thinking I'd like to put one or two scenes in this fic, nothing overly explicit, more like full of feels and stuff? But Idk, I'm pretty insecure, and you guys know my writing a bit by now, I think, so the question is- you think I should give it a try?  
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading guys, see you in the next chapter!


	3. On s’rend débiles d’amour intense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier has some nice bonding time with Yuzuru's family, gets some answers and even more questions. Also, his poor heart is struggling with keeping up with all the feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is killing me people, it's a miracle I've written this mess of a chapter.  
> I know I promised you angst but things got out of control and you gotta wait a bit for that, have some feels instead.  
> Chapter title from [the cutest French song ever](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUyLUE9mWw0).

 

Javier was brutally woken up by loud knocking to the door. He opened his eyes rapidly and for a second he didn't know where he was, unfamiliar ceiling above his head and a bed that wasn't his for sure. But then Yuzuru whined sleepily, moving next to him slowly, and Javier remembered everything.

„Guys!” Saya knocked again, that time even louder „Are you decent?”

„No.” Yuzuru grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

„Well you better be in a few minutes, it's almost ten.” Saya informed them and Yuzuru almost fell from the bed.

„Oh shit.” he muttered, putting his clothes on while Javier was sitting on the bed and trying not to fall asleep again. He was too old to get rid of jet lag that quickly.

„Are you going to be late for the first time in your life?” he asked, yawning, and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

„Well, technically speaking, I didn't specify at what hour I'd appear. I'm still planning on having a breakfast with you.” Yuzuru grinned, but then his smile faded a little „I wish I had more time for you, but-”

„Hey, you came here for work and I just tagged along, remember?” Javier reminded him softly „Don't worry about me, I'll be completely fine in here. Just take me on a walk one day or something.” he said jokingly and Yuzuru smiled again, relieved.

„You slept well?” Yuzuru's mother asked when they finally dragged themselves to the kitchen, putting two cups in front of them „Javier, I've heard you like coffee, but we don't have a coffee machine, so I did it that way-”

„It's okay.” Javier smiled gratefully, taking a sip of; it wasn't that bad „Brings back memories from living in a dorm during police school.”

It was only the two of them eating, the rest of the family already busy with their duties, so they had a chance to make stupid faces at each other and engaged their feet into a fight under a table.

„I really need to run.” Yuzuru sighed finally, standing up hesitantly „I'll see you later.” he murmured, pressing a chaste kiss on Javier's lips.

„Have fun and catch some criminals!” Javier exclaimed after him, grinning to himself.

And then he turned around and saw that Yuzuru's mother was staring at him.

„Uh.” Javier shifted awkwardly, feeling his cheeks heating up, but she just smiled at him.

„So, Javier.” she said, tilting her head a little „Would you like to come with me to a store? I honestly forgot how much young men can it.”

 

 

On their ride to the store Yuzuru's mother insisted on starting using their first names, which was a bit of a shock for Javier- it was the last thing he expected from her. But he swallowed his surprize quickly and smiled broadly, telling her that he would be honored.

Clearly happy with his company, Yumi decided to buy enough food to feed the whole family for the next week, so their shopping list was pretty long.

„So, Javi” she started, putting oranges into the cart „How do you like teaching?”

„Much better than chasing criminals.” Javier answered with a chuckle „I mean, I enjoyed being a detective, sometimes, but I think it was too emotionally draining for me. Teaching is calmer, and I still have a feeling that I'm helping someone.”

„I see.” Yumi smiled warmly and then sighed „I still remember when Yuzuru was six or seven years old, he came back from school and announced that he was going to be a spy.” she chuckled quietly „A few years later it turned into an international agent and it stayed that way.”

„And what did you think about it?” Javier asked carefully and she sighed again.

„No parent want to see their child running with a gun after criminals. But we all need to accept our children and their choices, in the end.” she said, giving him a bright smile, and Javier returned it

They talked a little bit more about Javier's job, the pile of stuff in their cart growing steadily. It was so nice, to just walk around the store, talk a little and getting to know each other. Yumi was delighted when Javier asked her to teach him how to cook something Japanese.

„So you like to cook, Javi?” she asked when they were back at home, taking the groceries out of bags and putting them into cupboards.

„I've always enjoyed that.” Javier smiled „I lived for my own for a long time, so I had to be self- contained. And now I've much more stabile schedule than Yuzuru, so I do most of the cooking.” he took a bag of rice from Yumi's hand and put it on the highest shelf, just like she pointed „And he's still not used to all of the Spanish flavours, so I think it would be nice to cook for him something more familiar. Where to put this?” he asked, turning to Yumi with a mysterious box in his hands, only to discover that she was looking at him with the softest of smiles.

Javier felt a bit uneasy under her strong gaze, but not in uncomfortable way.

„I'm so happy he found you.” she said quietly and Javier gaped, realizing that he probably looked very dumb in that moment. Yumi sighed and took the box out of his hands, putting it into a nearest drawer „There were some people, you know? But it was obvious that he didn't care for them in that way.” she shook her head, her smile turning a little bit sad for the briefest of moments „I don't know if it was because he couldn't love them or if he didn't want to. And I think I came to terms with a thought that maybe he was destined to go through his life alone. But then you appeared.” it looked like she wanted to say something more, but then she just reached out and put her hand on Javier's cheek, the touch warm and gentle, and Javier just could feel the thread of understanding between them getting stronger.

 

 

Yuzuru came home after ten, entering the bedroom quietly, as if he was afraid that Javier was asleep.

„Hey there.” Javier smiled, closing the book he was reading and shifting a little bit on the bed „How was the day?”

„Tiring.” Yuzuru sighed, tugging on his tie „I'm just gonna grab a shower and give you a full report in the bed, okay?”

„Sure.” Javier nodded; while Yuzuru was in the bathroom he made a quick trip to a kitchen, where he prepared a simple toast with cheese and a cup of tea, and was back just a minute before Yuzuru emerged from the shower.

„Oh my god, I love you.” he said, munching the toast quickly and then sat down on the bed with the cup in his hands „Today was so busy I barely had time to eat.”

„You poor thing.” Javier cooed, nestling next to him and kissing his cheek „So, how is it looking?”

„Why should I share any confidential data with you?” Yuzuru asked teasinlgy and Javier pouted.

„Come one, the big boss himself asked me for opinion!”

„Daisuke's not the big boss.” Yuzuru said with a roll of his eyes and then sighed „I've met with their families, but I barely got any new information. I honestly have no idea how to tackle this case.”

„What about that Anderson guy?” Javier asked carefully; he was really interested in that one, but he didn't want to push Yuzuru on that. But Yuzuru just shrugged, taking a sip of his tea.

„Like I said, I knew him. But we weren't close or anything. He's a bit older and I haven't heard from him since we graduated high school. I know his younger brother a bit better.”

„What's with his name, though?”

„His mother was studying in London and she married a British guy.” Yuzuru said, scrunching his nose as he was trying to recall the details „But he died soon after Kazuo was born and his mother came back in here, married again, Akito was born.”

„Akito?” Javier repeated with a sudden interest „Like that skier?”

„What?”

„You know, Akito Watabe, I think he got silver at-”

„Oh no.” Yuzuru whined, quickly swinging his leg over Javier's and moving to sit in his lap „Please don't start with your sporty talk.” he muttered, pressing quick, petting kisses to Javier's lips.

„What's wrong with my sporty talk?” Javier asked in between kisses, his hands moving on Yuzuru's back „I can talk about Lord of The Rings if you want-” he joked, but was promptly silenced by Yuzuru's tongue slipping into his mouth.

They kept on making out for a while, their bodies rocking gently against each other; Javier knew that if it laste for a few minutes longer, that could only lead to one thing. But he could feel Yuzuru's muscles trembling slightly under his palms, he felt his ragged breathing, and he knew that it wasn't only because he was aroused. So he kissed him once more and then drew back gently, moving one of his hands to rest on Yuzuru's neck.

„You know that I'd love to check your family's noise endurance.” he said in reply to Yuzuru's whine „But you're gonna pass out in a second.”

„I'm not.” Yuzuru opposed, his eyelids fluttering „You're just afraid of my mother.”

„Me and your mother are best friends.” Javier informed him, pressing a kiss to Yuzuru's scrunched nose „Come on, baby, you need to get rest.”

Yuzuru sighed and slid off Javier's lap to lie down next to him.

He started snoring mere seconds before Javier turned the light off.

 

* * *

 

Javier spent the next morning on bonding with Yuzuru's father over blueprints of arbor the older man wanted to build.

„Then we could spend more time in the garden regardless the weather.” the older man explained with a spark in his eye and Javier smiled.

„I'd be happy to help.” he said honestly; he enjoyed building and fixing things, and he really would like to spend some time in the man's company. He was quiet and a little bit withdrawn, but his personality was really kind and lovely.

They were making a list of things they had to buy when Yumi appeared on the terrace, a phone in her hands.

„It's Yuzuru.” she said, handing him the phone, and Javier narrowed his eyes.

„Hi, is everything okay?”

„Yeah, all good.” Yuzuru said, sounding hesitant „Uh, Javi, could you come to the station now?”

„Sure, but-” Javier frowned, confused „Do you need me for something?” he asked and Yuzuru sighed deeply, clearly not eager to share what he needed to say.

„We've got a bunch of data from Magadan police that can be connected with the case, but they didn't think about translating it.” Yuzuru said, distaste clear in his voice „And we don't really have any trusted translator in here, we'd have to send it to Tokyo, but our guy's not available now anyway.”

„Well, sure, but Yuzu, you know that I'm not really that competent-”

„We just want to know what's in there, more or less, and then we'll get a professional translation as soon as possible.”

„Uhh, yeah, sure, I'll be there as fast as I can.” Javier promised, feeling a bit bizzare.

„Thank you.” Yuzuru said with clear relief before hanging up.

He had no idea how to get to the main police station, so Yumi offered to give him a ride. Sitting in her car, Javier started stressing out about his new, unexpected task. His adventure with Russian had started when they just moved in to Canada and their closest neighbours were immigrants from Petersburg. Javier had quickly befriended their son, Mikhail, picking up the words during playing and running around the quarter. He had been enjoying learning languages, so when he had opportunity to take Russian classes in high school, he did that. He had been also polishing his language skills during police school, because he knew that it could pay off in future.

Well, he had interrogated a few Russians during his career, but now he was feeling really nervous. It was an important case, and he just hoped he would be able to help.

There was a guy standing on the stairs leading to the station, waving at him cheerfully as soon as he saw him.

„Hi! Keiji Tanaka, working with Yuzuru on the case.” he said, shaking Javier's hand „They sent me to show you the way, this place is a maze.”

„Thanks, Keiji.” Javier smiled „I'm-”

„Javier, I know.” Keiji smiled broadly, handing him a pass and leading him inside „Here, take it. I'm really so happy to meet you, I've heard so much about you.”

„Really?” Javier asked with surprise, and Keiji nodded vigorously.

„Yeah, Gabby told me so much-”

„Huh?” Javier almost stopped, stunned, and then the realization shone on him „Wait, you're the one who was helping us with that Sato case, right? Bank account, phones, all that data- that was you, right?”

„Yes!” Keiji grinned, clearly delighted that Javier remembered his name.

„Wow, I'm so happy to meet you, man, you and Gabby basically solved the case for us.” Javier said and Keiji blushed slightly; that reminded Javier of something and he smiled to himself, deciding to leave that for later.

Keiji led him on the third floor and to a big, wide room filled with boards and boxes.

„Hi!” Yuzuru smiled at him, standing up from behind his desk „Thank you so much you got here so quickly.”

„Sure.” Javier shrugged, smiling warmly, and there was that look in Yuzuru's eyes, bright and loving.

„Hello, Javier.” said someone right behind Javier's back and he turned around to see a petite woman with big, dark eyes „I'm Satoko, I'm working on this case with Yuzuru and Keiji.”

„Nice to meet you.” he nodded and she smiled at him, a bit reserved, but nice „Okay, I've heard you need me to deal with something Russian?”

„Yes.” Keiji showed him the nearest desk „We've been trying to figure out how and where the victims were transported- if they were at all. We've sent asks for help to a few nearest ports and cities with big airports. So far no luck, but only Russians decided to sent us stuff without translation.”

„I'll do what I can.” Javier promised, sitting on a chair and looking at the screen „Um, do you mind if I do it Russian to English? I'm afraid I'd mix it all up in Japanese.”

„Sure, whatever works for you best.” Satoko smiled at him encouragingly.

It actually wasn't as bad as Javier had dreaded and after a few minutes he cleared his throat to gather their attention.

„Okay guys, so according to this report people were disappearing in Magadan Oblast for the past few months.” Javier said, narrowing his eyes as he was reading „For now the number is fifteen, but they're not sure if they know about everyone.” he glared at a chart and winced „Thirteen men, not older than 31, and two women. They connected the cases based on the age and time of their disappearance, so they might not be the part of the same investigation.”

„Shit.” Yuzuru swore and Satoko grimaced.

„This looks suspicious, but it's still Russians' business. What's in the next file?”

„Just a second.” he said, opening other document and reading in quickly „It's, umm, a register from a Magadan port, with highlighted ships coming from Japan. Here you've the dates.” he pointed out and Satoko nodded.

„Keiji, compare them with disappearances of our victims.”

„On it!”

„Is there anything more there, Javi?” Yuzuru asked, traces of tension in his voice, and Javier skipped through the rest of the documents briefly.

„Looks like they sent you a short note about every missing person-”

„Great, exaclty what we were looking for.” Satoko said sarcastically „Ask them about Japanese people and they'll send you a bunch of Russians-” she muttered, but Javier wasn't really paying attention to her, intrigued by what he just read.

„Huh.” he mumbled „That's interesting.”

„What did you find?” Yuzuru leaned over his shoulder, looking at the screen despite his inability to read Russian.

„This woman-” Javier opened one file and pointed at the picture of a pretty young lady „She's a chemist. There's also another one, and one physicist-” he was still glaring at the screen, so at first didn't notice how the others reacted to the info. Yuzuru straightened up suddenly, Satoko froze and Keiji stopped typing.

„Well, it might be our case now.” Yuzuru said dryly, turning to Satoko and she pursed her lips.

„I'll call Dai, I guess we need an official channel with Russia now.”

Javier was really, really confused and curious, but he swallowed all the questions he had. He was just helping them and it wasn't really his place to ask any questions.

„So” he raised from his chair „Do you need me for something else guys? I don't want to disturb you-”

„Wait.” Yuzuru smiled at him a bit tiredly „It's getting late and we're probably not gonna stay long, we need to talk with the top to figure out what's next.” he touched Javier's hand for the briefest of moments „We could go home together.”

„Okay.” Javier smiled back, kind of relieved that he wouldn't have to struggle with public transport.

He sat on a small sofa in the corner of the room, watching Yuzuru and Keiji discussing quietly while Satoko was out of the room. It seemed that the information that some of kidnapped Russians were scientists was a game changer.

Satoko came back a few minutes later and after a short talk Yuzuru waved at Javier to come closer.

„Done for today?” Javier asked, just to be sure, and Yuzuru nodded.

„Yeah. The case just got international officially, that means new procedures and stuff. You know the drill.”

Javier smiled at him with a slight compassion, touching his shoulder.

„You'll manage, you've a great team.” he said „So, we're heading back home?”

„Actually, I just texted mom that I'm taking you on a very spontaneous date.”

„Oh.” Javier gasped, surprized, and Yuzuru smirked.

„A bit too late for a walk, I think, so I'm stealing you for dinner.”

Javier didn't mind; in fact, he was a bit moved that Yuzuru decided to take him out despite being so incredibly busy.

They ended up in a small restaurant Yuzuru seemed to know well, with dimmed lights and black and white photographs on the walls.

„I thought you didn't plan any romantic gestures for the next few years.” Javier joked when they sat down and got their drinks.

„What can I say, I'm weak.” Yuzuru said nonchalantly and then smiled softly „Thank you for helping us with that. I know I said I didn't want you to get involved- I still don't want to- but it was really very crucial and-”

„Hey, don't worry.” Javier smiled „I'm happy I could help.” he tilted his head a little bit, deciding to push a little bit more „So it really got serious now?”

„We didn't think this case and the Russian one were connected, but victims profiles are matching.” Yuzuru sighed and then winced „To sum up, we've four missing chemists, two physicicts, two biologists, one engineer and the rest of them seem to be doing some manual jobs.” Yuzuru shook his head „Let's change the topic. What were you doing the whole day?”

„I was bonding with your father over working in the garden.” Javier said, deciding to drop the subject of the investigation „I also planned to corner Saya and get the list of your exes from her, but you destroyed my perfect plan.”

Yuzuru laughed at that, clearly relaxing.

„She doesn't know, about half of them.” he said with a playful wink and Javier gaped. Yuzuru looked around and then grinned at Javier „Okay, I don't want you to discover my full sexual history by gossiping with my sister.” he said, switching to Spanish to make sure that no one would overhear them „So-”

„Umm, wait.” Javier moved a bit awkwardly, surprized that the situation escalated so quickly „If you don't feel like it then we totally can lay it out for later or something-”

„It's okay.” Yuzuru shrugged with a slightly bashful smile „I need to practice telling you things.”

„Okay.” Javier nodded, calmer; sure, he wanted Yuzuru to start talking to him a bit more about his past, but at the same time he didn't want to force him to do anything.

Yuzuru flashed him a smile and than raised his hand theathrically.

„First was my neighbour, Mihoko.” he said, raising one of his fingers „We were in high school and I was convinced I'd have to marry her.” he said, clearly trying to keep a straight face „Then was... Eiji? Then one of Saya's friends, she tricked me into dating her, and we actually stayed together for a long while.” Yuzuru said and then Javier noticed how a corner of his mouth twitched „Then I moved to Tokyo for work and there was one guy, but it ended quickly and I focused on work.” he tilted his head a little, looking at Javier with a slight smile „Any questions?”

„Which one was the longest?” Javier asked carefully and Yuzuru bit his lower lip for a second.

„Kira. Saya's friend. It lasted for around a year I think.” Yuzuru said, his expression thoughtful „You remember... I told you I've never been in love with anyone before you. And it's true, but I think what I felt for her was the closest to love. Romantic love.” he added „You know, actually, at some point, I was convinced that I wasn't able to fall for anybody.” he said with a smile, his gaze soft „And then there was you.”

„And then there was me.” Javier repeated, his voice more quiet than he intended; it was all teasing and jokes just a second before, but suddenly he could feel strange weight on his shoulders, as if he was the one who wasn't prepared. He cleared his throat, trying to get the conversation to its previous lightness, more suitable for a public place „I guess you're lucky, huh?”

Yuzuru's smile was soft and just a little bit crooked.

„I guess I am.”

There was a spark, an electric current running between them, and Javier swallowed hard, his fingers itching to touch Yuzuru, who suddenly seemed so far away.

They made out in the car like teenagers, sloppy and just on the edge of desperate, and there was a lump in Javier's throat, and a voice whispering in the back of his head, quiet and nagging.

Saya laughed when they bumped into her after entering the house, her grin telling.

„Fix your hair.” she said and Yuzuru rolled his eyes, a slight blush creeping on his neck; Saya moved her gaze to Javier and then back, her smile turning smug „If you want, I can totally take parents out for dinner one day so you can have house to yourselves.”

„You're horrible.” Yuzuru said, but he couldn't help but grin too „But we wouldn't mind.” he added, turning to Javier, who smiled back, trying not to show that suddenly he was feeling a bit distracted and insecure.

 

* * *

 

The next day Javier managed to keep himself occupied for most of the time. He went to a builder's supply with Yuzuru's father to buy everything they needed to build an arbor and even started setting the whole thing up.

Yuzuru called in the early afternoon, his voice a bit hesitant. His high school friends discovered that he was back and wanted to go and grab some drinks in the evening. He didn't seem convinced, but Javier told him to go; actually, he was kinda glad he could have some thinking time for himself, because since a day before he was feeling weirdly uneasy.

He ate a late dinner with Yuzuru's parents and Saya, and then excused himself to sit on the terrace with a cup of tea in his hands and a strong intention to sort things out. Because yet again he had that heavy, dull feeling that something wasn't quite right. Maybe it was caused by the intensity in Yuzuru's gaze the day before, in that subtle, shaky tone of his voice, in almost desperate trembling of his lips.

Javier thought about all the moments Yuzuru seemed almost scared to let go of his hand, about the fear in his eyes right after their first kiss, about his stubborn silence. About that quiet _there would be nothing without you_ whispered when Javier was half asleep, something he never asked Yuzuru about, but what was in the back of his mind constantly.

Javier winced, feeling like an asshole. He was in a happy relationship, he was in love and was loved back, why was he looking for a hole in it all?

„Can I join you?”

Javier raised his head and met Saya's soft gaze. He smiled at her and nodded, not wanting to be rude.

„Of course.”

She sat in front of him, her expression gentle.

„Javi, is everything okay?” she asked softly, not pushing „You don't have to tell me, but it seems that something's bothering you.”

Javier considered his options for a second; but Saya was nice and kind, and she was Yuzuru's sister, so maybe she was the exact person he needed to talk to.

„It's Yuzuru.” he said and then winced „Well, not exactly him, I just- I'm thinking about our relationship.”

„Is it okay between you two?”

„Yes, we're fine, I just-” he sighed, a little bit frustrated „I'm sorry, I don't want to-” he stopped again, getting mad at himself. He was being weird and he knew it, but he couldn't help it.

But Saya didn't seem taken aback, her smile full of sympathy.

„My brother...” she said softly, looking at Javier with the smallest of smiles on her lips „He loves you very much.”

„I know.” Javier wanted to sound warm and easy, but his voice came out quiet and a little bit strangled.

He knew it so well it was sometimes too owerhelming to think about.

Saya tilted her head, looking at him silently, and suddenly Javier knew that he could trust her; that she would somehow understand what was hard to grasp even for him.

„Sometimes-” Javier started slowly, trying to put in words what has going on in his head „Sometimes I've this feeling that he treats me like I'm his entire world.” he admitted quietly, finally being able to express that previously unnamed impression „I don't mean anything bad, I just... He changed his entire life, for me, just like that. I know that he loves me a lot, and I love him too, but... sometimes it is so much to take. He just-” he smiled to himself slightly, trying to find words that would describe his feelings best „- he loves with such intensity that it's almost too hard to breathe.”

Saya nodded slowly, like in agreement, and he felt a little bit better.

„I know what you mean.” she said quietly and that actually encouraged him to continue speaking.

„And he doesn't like to talk about some things, you know? I can see that something's wrong, but it takes ages to convince him to talk.” Javier took a deep breath „I don't want to say that he hides stuff from me, I don't need him to tell me about everything. But there are some things I think I should know, but... I don't.”

The silence was ringing when he stopped talking, a quiet buzz of the evening surrounding them.

„Oh, Yuzuru.” Saya sighed quietly, shaking her head; she looked Javier in the eyes, smiling sadly „When he came back from Canada, I knew that something was off. He was more quiet, kind of melancholic. Our parents thought it was because he was tired, but I knew it wasn't that.” she stopped talking for a moment, her smile growing a bit wider „I asked him once, what happened? And he just looked at me, and I'd never seen him more sad before. He said, _I love him, and I let him go._ ” she sighed again „I just knew that it had to be you, then. Because he talked about everything and everyone. Except you.”

It felt as if Javier's heart suddenly weighed a ton.

„I can't force him to talk to me.” he said quietly „And I don't want to, I just... I don't know. Is it because he doesn't trust me? Or doesn't think it's important? I never pushed him to do anything, but I think it starts affecting our relationship now.”

„It's not because he doesn't trust you.” Saya said, touching his hand lightly „Like I said, he didn't tell us about your time in Toronto at all, and it has nothing to do with trust, I'm sure.”

„He said it was because he didn't want you to know about his feelings for me.”

„Typical Yuzuru.” Saya smiled „Always ready to comment on something, but last to talk about his feelings.” she tilted her head, her eyes turning curious „You think you could tell me a little bit now? How it looked like between you two in the beggining?”

Javier's chest still felt incredibly tight, but he just had to smile fondly at the memory.

„He so didn't want to work with me. I was kind of excited, but he was so distant and cold, I thought we wouldn't make this work. But then we worked it out, somehow, and things were good.” he stopped for a moment, the next memory causing his heart to skip a beat „Then we kissed, out of the blue, and he just... kind of panicked. Like, really, it changed from pretty good to pretty bad in a second.”

Saya was watching him, her brow slightly furrowed.

„And?” she pressed gently, and Javier sighed.

„Well, then I got shot and-”

„What?” Saya gaped, her eyes widening, and Javier felt really stupid. He shouldn't have mentioned that.

„How- but you're okay?”

„Yeah.” he chuckled awkwardly, tapping his chest „They only had to cut out a piece of my lung. But I'm fine, really.”

Saya was looking at him, her face very serious.

„Javi” she said slowly, weighing every word „How did it happen?”

„We went to a house to catch the guy- I mean, Yuzuru went alone and I had to rush there and-” Javier stammered, suddenly fumbling with finding proper Japanese words and feeling slightly uncomfortable. But then Saya exhaled deeply, her shoulders dropping, and he stopped mid- sentence.

„Are you okay?” he asked hesitantly and she sighed.

„My brother” she said flatly „Has some explaining to do.” she looked at Javier with a tired smile „I wish I could just tell you everything I think you should know, but you know I can't do that.”

„Of course.” Javier said, his throat dry.

Saya's smile turned softer as she leaned forward and took his hand in hers.

„I can see that you love him very much.” she said warmly „Just please... be patient with him. He's really-” she cut herself off, clearly worried that she might say too much. Javier smiled at her, squeezing her hand and swallowing every question and doubt he had.

„I know.” he said softly, his throat itching „I know.”

 

 

Javier didn't really mean to wait for Yuzuru, but he could even bring himself to lie down. His thoughts were still circling around his talk with Saya. So he had been right and Yuzuru was keeping something to himself, something what Saya thought was important.

Javier swallowed hard, his lips dry.

In his head he started planning a conversation they would probably have in a near future.

„I love you and I respect all your boundries.” he tried out loud „But if there's something you should tell me- if there's something I should-” he shook his head with a sigh „You're exaggerating.” he muttered to himself, although deep inside he knew that he had a right to have questions and demans some answers.

It was a few minutes after midnight when he heard footsteps in the corridor and then the door opened, ridiculously slow, and Yuzuru poked his head into the room.

„Are you asleep?” he whispered loudly and Javier just had to smile, despite everything. It definitely wasn't a moment for serious talks, when Yuzuru was staring at him with a smile that was suggesting that the little get- together had been a lot of fun.

„No.” Javier answered in the same tone and Yuzuru grinned.

„Good.” he said, closing the door behind him.

„You drank a lot?” Javier touched Yuzuru's forehead and his partner grinned even wider.

„A lot.” he affirmed and then lowered his voice comically „I didn't take off my shoes.”

„Wow, that's a crime.” Javier said, really having hard time with surpressing a laughter „Sit down, I'll help you.”

Yuzuru flopped on the bed, wiggling his legs in the air when Javier kneeled to help him with his shoes. Yuzuru was humming something while Javier was playing a losing game with his shoelaces.

„You're so nice.” Yuzuru said suddenly „I'm lucky.”

„Yes you are.” Javier agreed absently, moving to the other shoe, and Yuzuru giggled.

„And you love me.”

„Yes I do.” Javier agreed again, finally getting rid of Yuzuru's shoes and moving to unbottoning his shirt; suddenly he felt Yuzuru's hands on his head, carding through his hair.

„I got lucky.” Yuzuru muttered, like he was talking to himself „And he was wrong. Asshole.”

Javier's hands froze.

„What?” he asked and Yuzuru stared at him, suddenly looking confused „Who are you talking about?”

„Ah.” Yuzuru smiled again „Ryoyu. He was really wrong.”

„Wrong about what?” Javier asked slowly; he was feeling kind of bad about using Yuzuru's state to get information out of him, but his curiosity was stronger.

„We were- ugh.” Yuzuru scrunched his nose with distaste, pulling on Javier's hair a little „Together? I think. But, I didn't love him. It was- casual?” he shrugged with all carelessness of a drunk person, while Javier was trying to figure out if Yuzuru had mentioned that name during their dinner „He said he loved me and then he got angry.” Yuzuru continued and Javier's heart dropped „He said, _you're not capable of loving anyone. And you'll spend your life alone._ ” Yuzuru chuckled, as if it was a great joke „Wrooong!”

Javier's heart was beating so fast he had to take a few deep breathes to calm himself down.

He didn't know why it hit him so hard; it was just a sad relationship story with a cruel words from an ex. But it was the first time when Yuzuru told him something like that, all while being carelessly drunk and laughing, and Javier's heart just felt so, so heavy.

Well, he wanted to know things, didn't he?

„You okay?”

Javier snapped out of his daze at that question. He looked at Yuzuru, who was staring at him with the warmest of smiles, his hand tracing Javier's cheek.

Javier swallowed hard.

„Perfectly.” he said, quickly getting back to helping Yuzuru get rid of his shirt and then pants „Okay, you're all good now.” he said with a small smile and Yuzuru crawled to the middle of the bed, flopping face down on the pillow. He looked so young suddenly, curled on the bed like that, young and vulnerable, and Javier's breathing hitched.

Yuzuru raised his arm and waved, making a weird, muffled sound in Javier's direction. So Javier climbed into the bed next to him and Yuzuru curled up against his chest immediately, nuzzling into his shirt and fitting himself under Javier's chin.

„You won't leave, right?” Yuzuru mumbled against Javier's throat, and Javier had to close his eyes for a moment.

It was too much, and it was overwhelming, and Javier wasn't sure if his heart could take it all.

„Of course.” he said, his throat feeling like a sandpaper. Yuzuru muttered something lowly in Japanese and a second later he was breathing steadily, his warm breath tickling Javier's neck.

Javier's heart was still beating so strongly he was afraid it would wake Yuzuru up, but he was still breathing regulalry, snoring a bit louder than usual, and Javier inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and trying not to think.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feed me with love I'm anxious.


	4. for I'm so scared of losing you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The investigation continues while Javier has more relfections and doubts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had three breakdowns while writing this chapter so I'm posting it before I freak out more.  
> And I want to apologize that the investigation plot is not so intense and more sloppy than in the previous fic, but tbh I only use it as a background for the relationship stuff so I hope you're not super mad about that (also it's Javi's pov and they keep him in the dark so I hope it kinda makes sense?).  
> [Title inspiration.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1MmYVcDyMs)  
> Also, you're totally gonna hate me by the end.

 

Javier woke up abruptly when Yuzuru started moving in his arms, making muffled, whiny noises, and Javier couldn't help but smile fondly.

That was the deal with Yuzuru- when he was drunk, he would fall asleep immediately and wake up ridiculously early, not able to fall asleep again.

“Hey.” Javier whispered, brushing his lips against Yuzuru's forehead; Yuzuru whined again and Javier's heart stuttered just a little bit, the words of last night coming back to him “You're awake?” he asked the obvious question and Yuzuru nuzzled closer.

“I'm dying.” he mumbled, his voice hoarse “Or I already did and I'm in hell.”

“You're very much alive.” Javier said with a quiet snort and started detaching himself from Yuzuru's embrace.

“Noooo don't go.”

“I'm just gonna get you like, two litres of water and something to eat.”

“Food is poison.” Yuzuru grumbled and turned on his stomach, hiding his face in the pillow.

Javier used his short trip to the kitchen to create a game plan. He needed to figure out if Yuzuru remembered what he had told him, and then probably ask him some questions, because that Ryoyu guy seemed to have some pretty strong impact on Yuzuru's emotional state.

Yuzuru chugged half of the bottle almost immediately, leaning against the headboard and wincing when Javier handed him a banana.

“Come on, you know it'll make it a bit better.” Javier said and Yuzuru pouted, but took a fruit from his hand “You really had fun yesterday, huh?” Javier asked lightly and Yuzuru rolled his eyes, taking a hesitant bite.

“It was a bit much.” he said, swallowing and making a face “I've a vague memory of you struggling with my shoelaces.”

“Well, that's true.” Javier said, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Yuzuru, facing him “You also mentioned someone named Ryoyu, who apparently was an asshole to you?” he said before he could think and Yuzuru almost dropped the banana, which was kind of hilarious.

“I did?” he asked hesitantly, suddenly looking pretty sober, and Javier nodded; Yuzuru sighed and shook his head, but Javier could see how his shoulders tensed.

“What exactly?” Yuzuru asked carefully, his gaze moving a bit anxiously on Javier's face.

Javier wasn't really sure if that was the best moment to talk about it, six o'clock on Thursday morning, but at least they had a bit of time just for themselves, and it actually looked like Yuzuru was ready to open up a little bit, maybe.

“That he was an asshole who said pretty bad stuff to you.” Javier said and Yuzuru deftated a little; he closed his eyes and leaned against the headboard. He looked tired and Javier felt bad for touching that topic, even though he wanted to know more so desperately.

“I'm sorry, we don't have to talk about it now.” he said softly, putting his hand on Yuzuru's face and rubbing his temple soothingly “We can leave it out for another time, when you won't be sporting a killer hungover.”

Yuzuru opened his eyes, a flash of sadness on his face.

“There's not much to talk about.” he said, wincing slightly “We got together, but I made it clear I didn't want any serious relationship. He was nice and I thought we agreed... but we didn't.”

Javier nodded with compassion, his hand stroking Yuzuru's cheek.

“It ended pretty ugly.” Yuzuru said flatly “He said a lot of mean things, but he had a right to be mad.”

„No one has a right to say things like that.” Javier said quietly and Yuzuru gave him a slight smile „And it's still affecting you, isn't it?”

Yuzuru scrunched his nose, looking unsure.

„It... sits in the back of my head. The part of a reason I got so scared back in Toronto, I think, was because I just remembered what he said and... yeah.” he shrugged and Javier tilted his head, looking at him closely. That actually made sense; Javier knew Yuzuru's character well enough to understand that he was probably killing himself over those words more than he should. Still, he was pretty sure that there was something more to it, but somehow he felt a bit lighter already. Maybe circumstances weren't perfect, but he was happy that Yuzuru was finally starting opening to him.

And then Yuzuru's phone rang.

“Who the hell calls at this hour.” Javier muttered, reaching for the phone, while Yuzuru whined, closing his eyes.

„Satton.” Javier said, glaring at the caller's ID, and Yuzuru's eyes snapped open.

“Shit.” he muttered, taking the phone out of Javier's hand and wincing slightly when he moved his head too quickly “What's going on?”

Javier could hear Satoko's muffled voice and he saw how Yuzuru's eyes widened, his expression turning surprized “What? How?” he asked, a bit frantically, scrambling out of the bed “Yeah, as fast as I can.” he said and then threw the phone away, putting on his pants in a rush.

“What's happening?”

“I need to go.” Yuzuru said, buttoning up his shirt “It's an emergency. Dead body.”

“Oh my god.” Javier sighed, wincing, and then he looked at Yuzuru with concern “Hey, you sure you're okay to drive? Because I can take you there.”

Yuzuru stopped for a moment, thinking about it, and then pursed his lips, nodding.

“Yeah, I think that'd be better.” he said with an embarassed smile.

Ten minutes later they were sitting in a car, moving rather slowly.

“You're doing great.” Yuzuru said reassuringly, but Javier could tell that he really wanted get to the station as fast as possible. But it was the first time Javier was driving a car with a wheel on the right side and he was a bit stressed. Still, they managed to get there in mere twenty minutes. Javier didn't ask Yuzuru about details of the call, too focused on getting them to the place safely. He kind of expected Yuzuru to send him back home, but when he stopped the car Yuzuru looked at him with conflicted expression.

“Could you come up with me?” he asked finally “Just for a moment, we might-”

“Sure.” Javier nodded with a smile. He didn't mind helping them out, as he had told Yuzuru a few times before, but he still seemed concerned about it.

Satoko gave them a tight smile when they enetered the room. Keiji was still nowhere to be seen, probably running late.

“Nice to see you again, Javier.” Satoko said, her voice tired “Our translator will arrive in the evening, but we're having a video call with a chief of Magadan's police in a moment so we might need your help.”

“Yeah, sure. But-” Javier cleared his throat uncomfortably, but then Yuzuru spoke.

“We need details, Satton.”

“Haruki Ishida.” she said with a sigh “He was a construction worker. They found his body two days ago in Kolyma river, but it took them some time to identify him.”

“Shit.” Yuzuru cursed and Satoko nodded.

“Yeah. But lucky for us, they performed an autopsy almost immediately.” she said, but her face was suggesting that the news weren't promising “Benzene.”

“What?”

“Benzene posioning. That's what killed him.”

“This is, like, very hard to get, right?” Javier asked, surprized, and Yuzuru sighed.

“It is.” he said, but before he had a chance to say more, Kenji bursted inside, his hair a mess.

“Sorry, sorry!” he panted, dropping a bunch of papers on his desk “Tell me about the body!”

“Classy as always, Keiji.” Satoko said coldly; apparently Keiji's method to deal with stress was to smile, and Javier definitely could relate.

“Don't judge, I'm useful.” Keiji said, waving a sheet of paper in the air “I did some comparing and digging, I narrowed the number of suspected transport companies to three. Because let's be honest, if they transported them to Russia, they could only do that by a ship.”

“Well, they did transport them to Russia.” Yuzuru said and then winced “Fuck, they could be anywhere in Syberia now doing god knows what.”

“Keiji, get the projector and the cam going, we're having a skype meeting in five.” Satoko said and Javier realized that she was truly a boss during that investigation.

Soon they found out that Javier's services were needed indeed, because the chief of Magdan's police was undoubtedly nice, but his English skills weren't the strongest. He also seemed suspiciously chill, with an easy smile and a mop of blonde hair, and Javier liked him already.

“He was dead for four or five days before we found him. But it's all in the report we've sent you.” the guys said „Do you guys have any suspects?”

“Three companies that sail on this route could be involved, but we're not sure.”

“You searched them?”

“We can't do that without a warrant, and I don't think we've enough evidence to get one.” Javier translated Satoko's words and the guy raised his eyebrows.

“Okay...” he said slowly “Send me which companies and we can do that next time they came here.”

“Umm, what?”

“It's Russia.” the guy shrugged and everyone gaped.

“Of course. Sure.” Yuzuru said „Do you've any idea where the body came from?”

“Not at all.” the policeman said with a sigh “It's so much terrain to cover, mostly taiga, it'll take ages. We're in a process of organizing search parties, in case they're locked in some camp or something like that. Your boss contacted with our forces so we might get army to help us.”

They talked a bit more about what they knew and what needed to be done. After almost an hour of intense translating Javier was totally drained, and it was barely eight in the morning. So when Keiji announced he was going to get some coffe Javier immediately offered to help him with bringing cups for everyone.

“How are you enjoying being dragged into this case?” Keiji asked when they were standing in the line in a coffe shop nearby the station.

“I'm confused, basically.” Javier snorted “But I'm happy to help.”

He was like an on and off translator, not really aware of a whole picture. Not that he really had an urge to be a part of that whole thing; if anything, he was happy to help and a bit curious.

“It's good to have you here.” Keiji smiled and then turned to a barista to make the order „It's gonna take like, ten minutes.” he said and Javier suddenly remembered that he had a devilish plan to put into life.

“So, you and Gabby still stay in touch?” he asked smoothly and had to bite back a grin when Keiji gaped, a blush creeping on his cheeks.

“Umm, yeah, we skype a lot.” Keiji muttered and Javier nodded, smiling easily.

“Oh that's cool!” he said as if he was surprized “You plan any meeting in person?”

“She, umm, kind of invited me for the New Year's Eve already, but I don't know-” he stammered and Javier finally let himself grin.

“Well, she thinks you're cute.” Javier informed him, recalling his past talks with Gabby, and poor Keiji looked as if he was about to faint.

“She does?” he asked dumbly and Javier patted his shoulder.

“All I want to say is- if you like her, you should give it a shot. It’s always worth to try, believe me.”

Keiji’s answering smile was so bright it could lit up the whole place.

When they got back things were even more busy as everyone was trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Javier drank his coffee and the shyly suggested that if they didn’t need him anymore, he would rather go back home.

“Of course.” Yuzuru said, his voice distracted, as he touched Javier’s hand “I’ll see you later.”

Javier managed to get home without major difficulties and was greeted by slightly concerned Yumi, who immediately sat him down on a chair and almost forced breakfast into him.

“You poor thing, you didn’t come here to work and Yuzuru still drags you with him.” she almost cooed and he shook his head.

“I don’t mind, really. But I think I need two or three more hours of sleep to function properly.” he said and she smiled at him gently.

He was in a middle of a perfect post breakfast nap when he was brutally woken up by his phone demanding his attention. He reached for it grumpily but sobered up in a heartbeat when he saw who was calling.

“Miki, hi!” Javier answered, sitting straight and rubbing his eyes with one hand “What’s up?”

“I woke you up?”

“Umm, no.”

“Sure, Javi.” she laughed brightly “Listen, I figured everything out, finally. We’re going to visit my cousin in Niigata tomorrow and- are you free a day after tomorrow? Because if not I can-“

“Yeah, it’s perfect.” he agreed quickly, feeling a spark of excitement.

“Great.” Miki said, a slight relief in her voice “We could come in the morning and spend the whole day with you, if it’s okay?”

“It’s perfect.” he said again, grinning into a phone.

“Great.” Miki said, and judging by her tone, she was smiling too “Hey Hima, we’re going to see Javi soon!” she exclaimed and Javier could hear an excited squeak of joy somewhere in a background “She can’t wait too.” Miki added softly “I’ll text you the details later, okay?”

“Okay.”

Since he had come back to Madrid, Javier’s relationship with Miki was more stable. It wasn’t as easy as they wished, but they managed to work it out, because most importantly, they were friends. They were family, and they couldn’t wipe it out just because they weren’t in love anymore. They weren’t together, but they had three years of beautiful memories and warmth they used to share. And now the moved past it, and they were able to talk about it without memories of an old heartbreak.

They weren’t able to meet as often as Javier would wish, but it was still something he knew they would cherish.

Feeling cheerful and motivated, he almost jumped out of the bed and went to find Yuzuru’s father- they had something to build.

 

 

Yuzuru came back after nine and was almost pushed back outside by Saya, who demanded a bunch of stuff from the store. Javier offered to go with him and that’s how ten minutes later they were arguing over which carrot looked better and more healthy.

“You’re impossible.” Yuzuru rolled his eyes and Javier made a face.

“I only do it because I care.” he said after examining vegetables carefully and putting them into the basket “How was the part of the day you spent without me?”

“Awful.” Yuzuru said dramatically and the sighed “Tomorrow we’re going to talk to the suspected companies to see if they agree on the searching, maybe that would help. And if one of them won’t cooperate it immediately puts them as our first suspect.”

“Clever.” Javier nodded “What about that benzene thing?”

“Don’t even ask me, please.” Yuzuru whined and Javier grinned.

“Okay, but-“

“Yuzuru?”

They both turned and saw a tall guy standing a few steps away, looking at them with a weird expression. Javier could swear Yuzuru flinched slightly when he saw him, but his smile was perfectly polite.

“Hello, Akito.” he said with a nod “It’s nice to see you.”

“You too.” Akito smiled back, and Javier realized that he knew who that was. Anderson’s younger brother.

Akito moved his eyes to Javier, looking curious, and Yuzuru introduced them quickly, then looking at him carefully.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good, given the circumstances.” Akito said with a slight shrug “Mom’s taking it really bad though.”

“I’m sorry.” Yuzuru smiled tightly “We’re doing all we can.”

“I know.” Akito said, nodding “I need to go, but it was nice to see you.”

“Same.” Yuzuru muttered and Javier narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“That was Kazuo’s brother?” he asked when they got into the car and Yuzuru sighed.

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t seem comfortable.” Javier noticed and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

“I’m trying to find his kidnapped brother, who’s probably locked in some lab in the middle of taiga, of course I was uncomfortable.” he said and then, to Javier’s surprise, he smiled “Also, we didn’t really like each other in high school.”

“Really?”

“We were at the same class. He was kind of a narcissist back them and we had some disagreements.” he chuckled “Once we got into a fight and got suspended.”

Yuzuru giggled at the memory while Javier stared at him, astonished.

“Wow.” he finally managed “You’ve such a dark past.”

“Duh.” Yuzuru snorted, starting the engine “What were you up to today?”

“I'm practicing turning into a perfect housewife.” Javier deadpanned and then cleared his throat “And I talked with Miki. She and Hima will visit a day after tomorrow.”

“Cool.” Yuzuru nodded, eyes glued to the road. He seemed careless, but Javier noticed how his shoulder tensed and he decided to press a little bit.

“You're okay with that, right?”

“Of course.” Yuzuru nodded sharply, but Javier didn't buy it.

“If you're jealous, you know very well that you've no reason to be.” he said calmly and Yuzuru exhaled deeply.

“I'm not, I swear.” he said, flashing Javier almost convincing smile “I'd love to meet them, if it's okay with you?”

“Sure.” Javier said, still not quite convinced.

He was hoping the could talk after dinner, but when he got back from the shower Yuzuru was already asleep, breathing deeply and steadily against the pillow. Javier touched his cheek gently, careful not to wake him up; he could feel a smile forming on his lips, but he was strangely sure that it wasn't a fully happy one.

 

* * *

 

Javier was standing in a railstation hall, waiting for the train to arrive. He was holding a yellow balloon, so Miki and Hima could spot him in the endless crowd. He was really looking forward to that day and he firmly decide to have fun and push his little anxious thoughts to the back of his head.

He had barely spoken with Yuzuru for the past two days and he couldn't help but worry a bit. He really, really didn't want to push, but these little pieces of information Yuzuru was throwing him weren't really making the situatuon a lot clearer, and it was slowly driving him mad. Javier had that quiet, nagging feeling, that they were reaching a point in their relationship when Yuzuru would have to go all in, because Javier wasn't sure how much longer he could take it. He knew that Yuzuru loved him, deep and intense, but it suddenly wasn't enough for Javier. He needed to know all about him in order to fully understand him.

Javier shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He was going to have an awesome day and he wasn't going to overthing his relationship struggles right now.

A few minutes later he heard a high pitched noise and air was almost punched out of his lungs when a small ball of energy hit him with force.

“Javi!!!” Hima cried out, wrapping her tiny arms around him and jumping with joy “You're here, you're here!”

“I am.” Javier said, voice getting stuck in his throat “Come here, princess.” he said, picking her up so she could hug him around his neck.

“Hello, Javi.”

He looked over Hima's shoulder and saw Miki, standing a few steps away and smiling at him.

“Hi.” he said, extending one of his hands and touching her arm briefly. Her smile was soft and bright, and it made him feel warm the same way like all those years before.

“I've missed you so much!” Hima confessed, drawing back in his arms a little to look him in the eyes very seriously, and Javier grinned.

“Oh, so you didn't forget me?” he asked, only half teasing, and she shook her head fiercely.

“Never!” she said loudly “We talk about you with mommy a lot!”

“Really.” he said rather dumbly, feeling scratching in his throat, and Miki's smile grew wider.

“Okay.” Javier cleared his throat “I'll put you down and we can get going.”

The moment Hima stood on the ground she grabbed Javier's hand and looked at him with the smile that she for sure had after her mother.

“I'm really happy to see you.” Miki said and he smiled.

“Me too.”

 

 

It was a good day. It felt painfully normal, like it was a part of their everyday routine. Hima was holding his hand the whole time, babbling about her friends and that she would want to have a bunny. It was almost surreal, to be with them both like that, so familiar and yet something he had been longing for so long.

They went to the aquarium, got a lunch together and just enjoyed their time while walking around the city. Javier and Miki didn't talk about anything heavy, just normal, casual conversation between two friends catching up after a very long time.

A few hours before Miki and Hima's train back they wandered to one of the parks and Hima immediately abandoned them to have fun with other kids in a playground. Javier and Miki sat on a bench nearby when they had a good view on her but also could talk more privately.

“Yuzuru says that he can pick us up from here and drive you to the station.” Javier said after checking his phone and Miki smiled gratefully.

“That'd be nice.” she nodded and then tilted her head “How are things going between you two?”

“As you already know, we live together. And... you know how it is. There are ups and downs.”

“Something tells me there was a lot of downs lately.” Miki noticed gently and Javier winced.

“This- I-” he sighed and rubbed his face; he knew he didn't have to talk about if if he didn't want to, but at the same time, Miki was his friend, and she knew him so well “I just... lately I started to wonder if we didn't do it all to fast.”

He had never said that out loud before, but just some time before he started thinking that maybe that was the case.

“You know how unsual it was, between us.” Javier said slowly and Miki nodded silently “We love each other, a lot, but sometimes I'm not sure if he's really prepared to be in such a serious relationship. He cares about me so much, I know it, but sometimes I feel almost guilty that I didn't slow that down a little bit.”

“Oh Javi.” Miki sighed gently, squeezing his hand “Why do you think that way?”

“He's just... he's so intense, Miki. He has such a big heart, but I don't understand him, not fully. And he doesn't make it easier for me.”

“I'm sorry.” Miki said with sympathy “I'm sure you'll work it out. But honesty is a key.” she added, her smile a bit dimmed now “I would know that.”

Their eyes met and Javier just had to smile, taking her whole face in.

“Okay, enough about me.” he said, clearing his throat “What about you? How are you doing?”

“Same old, same old.” she said with a laugh and he made a face, fully determined not to talk about his weird doubts from now on.

“Yeah, you won't fool me. You're basically glowing, so either you're using some new make- up stuff or there's love in the air.”

Miki rolled her eyes, but a short giggle escaped her lips.

“Okay” she said, looking Javier in the eyes “Fine, you win. But we were only on two dates.”

“Okay.” Javier repeated after her, smiling gently “I hope it'll work out. You deserve to be happy.”

“I already am.”

He didn't know what to say to that, so he looked at Hima, who was now running around with two other girls.

“She's so big now.” he said, quietly, knowing that it was the dumbest statement in the galaxy, but he still couldn't help it.

“She is.” Miki agreed with a smile “Yesterday she was a toddler, tomorrow she'll be going out for dates.”

“Give me a call then, I'll fly here from Spain to scare them off.”

Miki laughed and put her head in his shoulder, breathing deeply.

“You know-” she siad after a few minutes of just watching Hima in comfortable silence “- you'll always be the most important man in her life, as long as it depends on me.”

“I know.” Javier said, his voice hoarse.

Hima got tired of playing some time later and she seated herself on Javier's lap, her head on his shoulder, and she fell asleep in a mere minutes. Javier and Miki chatted a little more and then he spotted a familiar silhouette approaching them.

“Hey, Yuzu.” he smiled and Yuzuru smiled back; Javier immediately noticed that he looked a bit tired, but he chose not to comment on that “Miki, Yuzuru.” he intoruced them shortly and they exchanged smiles and nods “Okay, I think we're good to go?” he asked, carefully standing up with Hima still sleeping in his arms.

“Thank you so much for picking us up.” Miki said and Yuzuru shrugged bashfully.

In the car Javier settled in a back seat, so him and Hima had a little bit more space. In the front Miki and Yuzuru were talking about something quietly, but Javier couldn't really make up what was the topic. And to be honest, he wasn't really interested in that at that moment.

“Okay.” he said softly through his clenched throat when they all got out of the car in front of the train station “Here you go.” he said, carefully passin Hima to Miki “Text me when you get home, okay?”

“Sure.” Miki said, reaching out to touch his cheek briefly “Take care of yourself, okay?”

“You too.”

She smiled and the turned to look at Yuzuru.

“It was great to meet you.” she said and he gave her a short smile and nodded.

Javier watched until they disappeared inside and then let out a soft sigh.

“Hi.” he said quietly, catching Yuzuru's hand for a second.

“Hey.” Yuzuru answered, tilting is head “Ready to go home?”

“Yeah, I am.”

 

 

The house was empty when the got there and Yuzuru informed him that Saya had dragged their parents for some art event her friend was organising.

It took Javier about five minutes to realize that Yuzuru was acting weird again, looking stiff and kid of awkward. It made Javier feel a bit uncomfortable, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to adress that now. He really had an awesome day and as much as he wanted to talk with Yuzuru, he couldn't bring himself to start the conversation about that.

That time Yuzuru made the choice for him.

“You still love her.”

Yuzuru was standing on the other side of the room, leaning against his desk and looking at the floor, distant and uncertain.

“You know how it is, Yuzu.” Javier stated calmly “She'll always be important to me, both of them.”

That question itself didn't concern him; they've been through that topic a few times already, but sometimes Yuzuru still seemed interested, even though he knew Javier's feelings perfectly. So when Yuzuru asked that again, Javier didn't really pay attention. But silence that fell after his answer was long and weird, so Javier raised his head to look at Yuzuru, who was staring at him, biting his lip.

“Hey, what's going-”

“Would you go back with her if you could?” Yuzuru blurted out and Javier gaped, a part of him thinking that he had misheard.

“Yuzuru, what?”

Yuzuru looked at him, his face scrunched.

“You just-” he swallowed visibly “- you looked so happy today, when I saw you in the park.”

“I was happy.” Javier affirmed, looking at Yuzuru calmly “It was a good day.” he added, tilting his head “Yuzu, are you jealous? Because you know you've no reason to be.”

“I-” Yuzuru hesitated “I just started to wonder if I can give you everything you want.” he stammered and Javier suddenly felt very tired and very, very done.

“Okay.” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed, not really trusting his legs “That's it, Yuzu.”

Yuzuru gaze came back to him, clearly alarmed by his words and sound of his voice. He looked unsure, anxious, even, and Javier almost felt bad. But they were dancing around the topic for too long and he didn't think he could handle it any longer.

“What do you mean?” Yuzuru asked quietly, still standing way too far for Javier's liking.

“I mean, that- I think I was really patient, you know? I gave you space, I didn't pressure you into anything. But I can see that something's off, especially since we came here.”

“It's not-”

“No, no, don't even try that.” Javier shook his head “You can't just act like that, throw me a piece of information from time to time and then act like it's enough. I need you to come clean, Yuzu, and tell me everything.”

“What do you mean by everything?” Yuzuru asked, fiddling with a hem of his shirt, and Javier almost smiled. Yuzuru seemed so tough most of the times, cool and professional, but in the moments like that he was just so... soft.

“Come here.” Javier said softly and Yuzuru hesitated for a moment before coming to stand right in front of Javier, looking down at him with concern. Javier put his hands on Yuzuru's waist, looking up to meet his eyes.

“You know that Miki's important to me. She's family.” Javier said, his thumbs rubbing circles on Yuzuru's hips “I love you, more than anything.” Yuzuru's eyes went all foggy, one of hands coming to cup Javier's face “But if we want this to work, you can't keep things from me. Not if they're affecting you so much.”

Yuzuru's expression was still conflicted, but Javier had a pretty good idea what was going on inside his head.

“I won't be mad at you, I won't judge you. I just need you to be honest with me.”

Yuzuru looked at him for a long moment, his thumb brushing over Javier's cheekbone.

“Okay.” he breathed out, sitting down next to Javier “You'll probably think I'm stupid. Or too emotional, and that I think too much.”

“You do tend to overthink things.” Javier agreed with a slight smile.

“I don't know where to start.”

“Okay, I'll help you..” Javier shifted a little bit so he could look straight into Yuzuru's eyes “Why are you so afraid of losing me?”

Yuzuru breathed out deeply, one corner of his mouth curling up in the slightest of smiles.

“Am I that obvious?” he clarly meant to sound light and maybe even teasing, but it came out quiet and a little shaky. Javier didn't say anything, he just smiled encouragingly.

“You know, there was a time in my life, when I was completely alone.” Yuzuru said finally “I shut everything and everyone down, I barely communicated with my parents or Saya. I... chose that. I thought it would be better.”

“Why would you think that?”

Yuzuru flinched, something like a chuckle escaping his lips.

“I told you once that I don't think I've a power to break someone's heart. But I think I broke Kira's.” he said, and then took a deep breath before continuing “We got together when I started my last year of univrsity here. She was... amazing. Smart and kind, and she really loved me.” Yuzuru smiled sadly “She loved me enough to wait till I fall in love with her too.” he looked at is hands, as if he was ashamed “I knew she wasn't the one, but it felt easy and comfortable, and I was selfish enough to stay in that relationship, even though it wasn't fair towards her.” Yuzuru grimaced, a flash of sadness running through his face “I'll never forget the look on her face when she told me it was over. I wasted a year of her life and I... I really hurt her, Javi. I really did.”

One of Yuzuru's hands was clenched so hard his knuckles went white; so Javier took Yuzuru's hand gently, his thumb moving soothingly.

“And?” he pressed gently, and Yuzuru winced, a shadow running through his face.

“And then I moved to Tokyo, and I met Ryoyu. He was nice and I think we were pretty cool friends, in the beggining. And what happened next... I told him that I wanted that to stay casual, I didn't want any relationship. I thought we were on the same page, until we weren't. It went down in flames and we never saw each other again.” he said, his voice catching up in his throat a little “After... after that I shut myself out. It was... dark. I was trying to convince myself it was better that way, but to be honest, I felt terrible. I think I might have been depressed, but I didn't talk to anyone about it, because I was scared they wouldn't let me go to work, and work was the only thing I had.”

Yuzuru stopped talking, breathing deeply, and Javier stayed quiet, letting him gather his thoughts. He was feeling a bit dazed from all of that, but at the same he felt as if he could understand Yuzuru better with every word he said.

“I thought it would always be like that. Lonely. I learned how to be okay with that, how to keep myself away from the world, how not to get involved. I guess I was scared of hurting more people, or getting hurt myself.” Yuzuru admitted after a few minutes “But then I went to Toronto and you... you confused me so much. And I knew that you were special, right away, but I didn't want to let you in, because I wasn't used to being on my own. But then we kissed and I got so scared. Because I- I knew that I could fall in love with you and I didn't know what to do with that.”

Yuzuru stopped abruptly, his chest raising rapidly, and he looked so tired Javier's heart clenched.

“Why were you scared?” he asked softly, putting his hand on Yuzuru's cheek gently.

“I still am.” Yuzuru admitted quietly “I still remember how much I hurt them and I'm so scared I'd put the same expression on your face too. And I'm scared, because you made me feel again, and I don't know-” Yuzuru's breathing hitched and Javier's heart started beating in a quicker, almost painful rhythm “- I don't know who I am without you, anymore.”

“Hey.” Javier managed to get out, his voice and limbs weak “Don't- you can't say things like that. You-” it was so much, maybe too much, and Javier couldn't exactly say how he felt except of being overwhelmed.

“You proved that I'm able to love. And that someone can love me. I can't afford to lose you. I can't.”

There was no words Javier could say, and he wasn't able to speak anyway. So he just pulled Yuzuru closer, as tight as he could, and held him, two heartbeats beating against each other.

Javier's mind was dazed, and he had troubles with wrapping his mind about it. But it made sense, he thought dizzily, Yuzuru's behaviour after his previous relationship experience. It made sense, but it was also heartbreaking, because Yuzuru was clinging to Javier like to a lifeline, and Javier could feel the weight of that on his shoulders.

It's always so hard to find out that you're a centre of someone's universe.

“We're gonna have to work on that.” he managed to say and Yuzuru let out a wet chuckle against his neck; Javier drew back a little, taking Yuzuru's face in his hands and looking him in the eyes „Is that everything?” he asked softly, wiping the corners of Yuzuru's eyes that were just a little bit moist “Because I can handle a little bit more sadness.”

Yuzuru's face cramped for a moment but then he put on a slight, brave smile.

“You don't have to.” he said, quiet and sure, and Javier felt a little bit lighter.

“You sure?” he asked, just in case, just if Yuzuru needed one more reminder that he could trust him.

“I'm sure.” Yuzuru whispered, his breath tickling Javier's lips just before he kissed him.

It was like a spark between them turned into fire, as if they hadn't touched each other in weeks, as if they still missed each other and couldn't get enough of just being together. Javier's chest was still tight and his throat was dry, but Yuzuur's skin was soft and familiar under his figertips, his heartbeat steady and strong against his own.

“I've got you.” he muttered breathlessly when Yuzuru whimpered against his neck, his arms pulling him closer „It's okay, I've got you.”

Later, when their heartbeats were calming down and their breathes were turning deep and steady, Yuzuru reached out to touch Javier's face carefully, his fingertips barely brushing Javier's skin.

“So you think I'm overdramatic?” he asked finally, his voice quiet and slighly hoarse, on the edge of uncertainity.

“I think that you were very sad and very lonely.” Javier said slowly, choosing the words carefully “And that you needed love very much.” he put one hand on Yuzuru's waist and pulled him closer gently, their noses almost touching „But I need you to love yourself too, okay?”

“I can try.” Yuzuru said hoarsely.

“Okay.” Javier said softly “That’s all I ask.”

 

* * *

 

Javier woke up for a moment when Yuzuru stumbled out of the bed and started fiddling with his clothes, probably at some ungodly hour. He brushed his lips against Javier’s forehead and then he was gone, letting Javier to fall into a shallow sleep again.

When he got up some time later, he was feeling surprisingly light. The topics they had talked about a night before were pretty heavy, but it felt so good, to finally not sit in the dark. Now that Yuzuru had told him about all of his struggles and insecurities, he felt as if he could really understand him better, and that would only do good to their relationship.

Smiling to himself, he went to the kitchen when Saya was just starting preparing breakfast.

“Hello there.” she said with a teasing grin “Judging by your smile, the evening was good?”

“Yeah.” Javier nodded with a smile, standing next to her and putting the water on “Me and Yuzuru talked and I think we’re finally over secrets now.”

“Wait, really?” Saya looked at him with a slight surprise, but then she smiled so brightly and with such a relief Javier felt confused for a moment.

“That’s great.” she said, touching Javier’s shoulder and blinking rapidly, and Javier’s confusion only grew. Sure, it was great that they had talked honestly, but it seemed like a little bit of an overreaction “I was telling him that he should tell you about it, but he was so dense.” Saya rambled, putting stuff on the table and Javier suddenly felt uneasy.

“Really.” he mumbled, not really knowing what to say, and Saya nodded fiercely.

“Yeah, he was really a mess after Ryoyu died, he was blaming himself so much-“

Javier froze, and it felt as if someone punched him in his stomach, shocked and breathless and slightly terrified.

“What?” he squeaked and Saya turned to look at him, her mouth open to say something, but she stopped when she saw his face.

“Oh.” she breathed out “Oh no.” she leaned against the table looking at him with wide eyes.

Javier couldn’t feel his fingers.

Suddenly Saya’s face turned from shocked to almost angry.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe he-“ she pressed her lips together and inhaled deeply through her nose; then she gave him a smile, kind and somehow brave “Javi” she said, looking at him seriously “I think you should sit down.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have written four pages of angst for the next chapter.  
> Feel free to scream.  
> Also, feed me with love (or yelling).


	5. they say that secrets make you sick and I should know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier finally finds out the truth and the confrontation happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I know I posted literally two days ago and that this chapter is shorter than usual, but I decided to split the angstfest into two parts. And I really wanted to post it before I go for my family weekend tomorrow soooo here we go.  
> I almost cried while writing this one Idk, only angst and feels, I hope you enjoy!

 

Javier stared at Saya, feeling as if nothing around him was real. He saw her face, he heard her voice, but it wasn't catching up to him.

_After Ryoyu died._

_He died._

He only snapped out of it when the kettle clicked right behind him, startling him out of his daze.

„Sit down, Javi.” Saya repeated gently, making her way to him ”I'm gonna make some tea, okay?”

He slumped on the nearest chair and shook his head slightly, trying to clear his mind. He clang to a thought that maybe he had misheard, or it was some kind of weird misunderstanding that Saya would explain in a moment.

„Okay.” she exhaled softly, sitting in front of him and sliding him one cup; she looked at him and bit her lower lip, clearly considering something „Look, Javi, we don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to. You can ask Yuzuru when he comes back, I-” she hesitated and Javier shook his head, feeling as if it wighed a ton.

„No.” he said, bitternes raising in his throat „I think it'd be nice to know the truth, finally.”

For a moment Saya's expression turned incredibly sad.

„He'll be so mad at me.” she almost chuckled and then inhaled deeply „What do you know about Ryoyu?”

„Uh, that they met after Yuzuru moved to Tokyo, befriended each other, had some kind of casual relationship.” Javier recalled, wincing slightly „Ryoyu wanted something more and was upset when Yuzuru didn't return his feelings.”

„Yeah, that's pretty accurate.” Saya said with a shrug „But he missed out a few important details.”

„I figured.” Javier choked out through his clenched throat and Saya sighed.

„So... it's true that they were friends. But they were also working together. Thye were partners.”

Javier heard a weird sound escaping his throat, something between a gulp and a whine.

„But they did have a... relationship.” Saya added, scrunching her nose with a slight disapproval „I told him that it was probably not the greatest idea, but he insisted that it was casual. And it was, for him.” she shook her head, looking down for a moment „But Ryoyu fell in love, and he wanted something more, something what Yuzuru couldn't give him. Things became too complicated to work out for them and Ryoyu asked to be transferred.”

She stopped talking for a moment and Javier was grateful for that; he really felt like he needed a moment to collect himself, to come to terms with the fact that Yuzuru had straight up lied to him.

„But they told them to finish that one case.” Saya resumed talking, her voice careful „It was hard for both of them. And then-” she hesitated, but Javier had a dreadful feeling that he knew what she was going to say „Things went wrong when they went to bring in the suspect. There was a shooting and Ryoyu died on the spot.”

Javier was kind of expecting that, after what Saya had said before, but it still felt like a slap to his face. His stomach churned as if he was going to be sick and he took a careful sip of his tea, hoping it would help him swallow past the lump in his throat.

„It all starts making sense, now.” he said and Saya's face fell.

„It was really hard for him. I-” Saya sighed deeply and rubbed her temples „He really blamed himself for that, I think he still does. And now that I know about you- what happened in Toronto...I think I know why he chose not to tell you all of that. It doesn't mean that I think it's okay.”

Javier had a vague feeling that she expected him to say something, but he wasn't able to make s sound. His mind was filled with thoughts but at the same time he felt awfully empty and hollow.

„Javi.”

He blinked rapidly when he felt her soft hand on his. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

He should say something.

He couldn't.

„He was a mess for almost two years.” Saya muttered when Javier didn't say a word „He distanced himself from everyone, from us... He refused to get a new partner and he threw himself into work. And you-” her voice faltered a bit „- because of you, he's back. He's so happy with you, but -” she stopped talking again and Javier catched how she wiped her eye rapidly.

„All I want is for him to be happy.” Javier said quietly, looking down „But I just... Saya, am I overreacting?” he asked and she just looked at him, her expression thoughtful and sad.

He kind of wanted Saya to tell him that he was taking it too personal, that it wasn't such a big deal, that at least he knew now. But he couldn't help but feel betrayed, his heart heavy and his throat clenched.

But Saya just squeezed his hand in a silent support and didn't say a word.

„Okay.” he breathed out finally „I guess we can take care of that breakfast now.” he said, trying his best to smile, but he was pretty sure that it turned out to be a pained grimace.

Saya looked at him for a moment, her expression turning incredibly gentle.

„Yuzuru was right.” she said softly „You really smile a lot.”

Javier chuckled wetly, blinking away the tears that started collecting in the corners of his eyes.

 

* * *

 

He pulled himself together. Yumi appeared in the kitchen soon after his talk with Saya, and he smiled and answered her questions, and didn't show anything. Then he went to the garden and spent a few hours on building and painting and smiling and pretending that he was totally alright.

He was chatting with Yuzuru's father about new flowers the older man was planning to plant, when Saya appeared on a terrace and ordered them to shower before dinner.

Javier gratefully welcomed the opportunity to be alone for a moment; as he was standing under a hot stream of water, he tried to figure out what he was going to do.

He didn't want to think too much about the fact that both him and Ryoyu had been shot- Yuzuru had strong working methods, but he would never put anyone in danger on purpose. That was not the matter to Javier at all.

„Okay.” Javier said to himself, rubbing his face „Okay, you'll just talk. You'll just talk and it's gonna be fine.”

His voice resonated in the empty bathroom and it almost sounded convincing.

He exited the bathroom and headed to the living room, kind of glad that he probably still had a few hours before he would see Yuzuru. But his carefully prepared smile died on his lips when he entered the room and saw Yuzuru, who was talking with Yumi carelessly.

A weird sound escaped Javier's lips and Yuzuru looked at him, smiling brightly.

„Hey!”

„Hi.” Javier managed „What are you doing here so early?”

„Daisuke arrived.” Yuzuru explained with a sigh „He brought a few people with him and insisted to send us all home for the rest of the day.”

„Cool.” Javier said, his lips dry „Great.”

It felt like some kind of agony for Javier, to sit next to Yuzuru and talk about all that casual things he didn't really care about while blood was buzzing in his veins, his stomach clenching.

Saya was sitting on front of him, throwing him concerned looks from time to time, and he was doing his best to smile at her; he could feel Yuzuru's eyes boring into his face from the side, but he stubborny refused to look at him, not knowing how he would react if he looked him in the eyes.

„Are you okay?” Yuzuru asked quietly when the meal ended and everyone started collecting the dishes.

Javier closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head.

„We need to talk.” Javier said, his voice sounding weird even for him.

Yuzuru looked worried and Javier almost felt guilty.

„What's going on?” Yuzuru asked a moment later, when they were standing in his room, a soft concern on his face.

Javier hated what was going to happen. But it had to be done.

„Tell me about Ryoyu.” he said quietly and Yuzuru froze, a shadow running through his expression.

„I already did.” he said and Javier felt a pang of sadness, sharp and painful.

„Try again.”

Yuzuru stared at him, his eyes wide, but then the switch flicked and his expression turned blank.

„Saya told you.” he said flatly, his fingers jerking a little, a nervous gesture Javier would always notice.

„She did.” Javier nodded shortly „So now you should start talking too.”

Yuzuru's face twisted suddenly, his expression turning bitter.

„What else do you want to know, Javi? How long we were sleeping with each other?” he tilted his head a little, his lower lip trembling, and his next words came out strangled „Is it my fault that he's dead?”

„You can start with explaining to me why you didn't think about telling me about it.” Javier said; he was trying his best to stay calm and not to raise his voice, but Yuzuru's stubborn, distant grimace was actually making his chest tight with anger, building somewhere deep inside him.

„It's not important.” Yuzuru said, pursing his lips and suddenly looking exactly like during those few first days in Toronto „And it's private.”

And at that, Javier snapped.

„It stopped being private the moment you decided you wanted to be with me!” he almost yelled, a dangerous edge in his voice „This is not some irrelevant story you can keep to yourself! This- this affected you're entire life! It's still affecting you, which means it's affecting me too!”

„And what was I supposed to tell you?” Yuzuru asked, his voice loud and bitter „Oh by the way, I slept with my first partner and guess what, he got shot too, and it messed me up! Apparently I bring bad luck, or I'm just a shitty agent! Really, what was I supposed to tell you?”

„Exactly that! Because that's what people in relationships do! We tell each other about everything and we hope the other person will accept us with our whole past! We talk, we confess, we cry and figure it out, and we do it all together!” Javier exclaimed, feeling dangerously close to crying, his voice catching in his throat.

„Yeah, because you would understand!” Yuzuru spat out and Javier's chest throbbed; Yuzuru looked frantic, his face twisted in a grimace, his fingers trembling „You've never fucked up like that in your life, and you've no idea how it feels to live like that, with all that fucking regret and fear and shame!”

That was such a low blow Javier wasn't sure if he had heard right. It was the most unfair, hurtful thing Yuzuru had ever said to him, and Javier inhaled sharply, a lump in his throat growing with every second. It hurt, because Javier had told him everything, and Yuzuru had to wipe his tears more than once. He knew how hard it was for Javier after Miki had left him; he knew about that girl that had died right in front of him and still visited his dreams sometimes.

Javier had told him all of that, because he wanted to be fair. He thought that in order to letting Yuzuru know him, he had to tell him about everything that had major impact on his life, no matter how painful and stupid that seemed.

And it hurt him, that suddenly Yuzuru was acting like he was the only one who had a right to feel guilty and sad and scared.

„If you could only see your face now.” Yuzuru added bitterly „You don't understand. You're judging me, and you're mad at me.”

Javier almost laughed at that, his heart fluttering as if it wanted to leave his chest.

„I'm not mad because you slept with him. And I never blamed you for getting shot.” Javier said, his voice low and shaking with emotions „I'm mad, because I asked you about it. I asked you, and you looked into my eyes, and you chose to lie to me.”

That was what hurt him the most. He would somehow get over the fact that Yuzuru didn't tell him about that, maybe, but Javier had asked him, direct and straightforward and trusting that he was going to hear the truth.

Yuzuru blinked rapidly, his face turning white. It seemed like just now he could understand where Javier was coming from, and that it scared him.

„I don't... I didn't...”

„You didn't want to upset me?” Javier asked, almost softly, recalling what Yuzuru had told him earlier „It's not how it works, Yuzuru. We make each other sad sometimes, and we make each other happy. But this... you didn't try to protect me. You were trying to protect yourself. Because you were scared that I wouldn't understand. Because you didn't trust me.”

Yuzuru froze, looking at him, his lips slightly parted and surprize written all over his face.

And then, guilt. That's how Javier knew that he was right.

It felt like his heart was going to break.

„It's not-” Yuzuru tried, but Javier couldn't listen to that anymore. He didn't want to listen.

„Yesterday you said that you couldn't afford to lose me.” he said, every muscle of his face hurting „You thought that the truth would be a deal breaker, that it would scare me away, but actually this-” he couldn't bring himself to finish that sentence, too scared of the words sitting on the tip of his tounge.

„Don't-” Yuzuru choked out, his face pale like a sheet and Javier took a deep, shaky breath.

„That's the only thing I ever asked of you. To be honest with me.” he swallowed with difficulty, his throat feeling like an open wound now „Why didn't you trust that I love you enough?”

He didn't really realize he said that out loud, but Yuzuru made a quiet, wounded sound, like an animal caught in a trap.

„I'm gonna go for a walk.” Javier said, his voice quiet and odd. Yuzuru took a step in his direction, as if he wanted to stop him, but then decided against it.

Javier was glad that he did.

Feeling dizzy, he put on his shoes and jacket, but when he went outside he actually felt sick, his limbs weak and his insides twisting. He sat down heavily under a kitchen window, hiding his face in his hands and trying to brathe steadily. The window was slightly open and Javier could hear Saya's quiet humming and the sound of a running water. He focused on that sound and tried not to think, but his heart was thudding painfully.

A door inside snapped loudly and Javier's head jerked up on the instinct.

„Why did you do that?” Javier's heart almost stopped when he heard Yuzuru's voice.

Saya sighed loudly and the water stopped running.

„Believe me, I didn't want to.” she said, her voice calm yet a little bit sad „But you basically left me no choice.”

The last thing Javier wanted to do was to witness that conversation, but he was like frozen, unable to make a move.

„You didn't have a right to do that! It was-”

„What, it was your thing to say?” Saya's voice was louder now, with a dangerous edge to it „We both know you wouldn't tell him.”

Yuzuru stayed silent and Javier felt a stab in his heart.

„Are you really so caught up in your own feelings that you can't see how much he loves you?” Saya asked quietly „He would understand, Yuzu. And he would help you get through it. I get that you're scared of losing him, but that was the worst thing you could've done.”

„What do you mean?” Yuzuru asked after a moment of silence, his voice quiet and strangled.

„You were afraid that he wouldn't understand you.” Saya said, not really asking „But Yuzu, he looks at you like you're the most precious thing in the world.” she said and Javier's heart thudded, painfully and hollowly.

„He wouldn't- he almost died because of me, Saya.” there was an undertone in Yuzuru's voice, as if he was on the edge of desperation.

„Yuzu, I don't know a lot, but he would never leave you because of that. When I spoke with him he didn't even think about blaming you for getting shot.” Saya stopped talking and for a moment the only sound Javier could hear was his own heartbeat.

„I didn't want to hurt him.” Yuzuru said so quietly that Javier almost didn't catch it.

„I know.” Saya said softly „But Yuzu, the look on his face when he realized you lied to him... you didn't only hurt him. You broke his heart.”

Javier stood up as fast as he could and started walking.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls tell me what you think I'm anxious.  
> (also I love you all)


	6. we don't talk, we're not enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier is dragged right in the middle of Yuzuru's case and everything falls apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took all my life energy and I feel already drained at 10am on Monday.  
> This chapter's [soundtrack](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wFbV9BW5kU).  
> I've a feeling you won't like the ending but I still hope you'll enjoy!

 

Javier didn't know how long he was walking around the city; he let his feet carry him through the streets, his body working on an autopilot. In his head, he was going through all the memories he and Yuzuru shared, since the very first moment they had met, and that only made him walk faster, as if there was a solution waiting somewhere ahead of him.

The thing was, Javier kind of understood where Yuzuru was coming from. Now that Javier knew how much fear and guilt was eating Yuzuru from the inside, he could see what was driving his beheavior, why he was so intense and scared of Javier leaving him.

But he had lied to him, with no hesitation, and a feeling of betrayal was burning painfully in Javier's chest.

He didn't know what he should do about it. Javier had never been in a situation like that before, but he also never loved anyone as much as he loved Yuzuru. He was hurt and torn, and absolutely clueless.

He only snapped out of his daze when his phone vibrated and Javier took it out of his pocket with stiff fingers.

It was Saya and Javier couldn't tell if he was relieved or not.

„Javi, are you okay?” she asked immediately and Javier felt a little bit bad. It was getting dark and he was wandering around the unknown city all by himself, and they probably started to worry.

„Yes, I just needed to clear my head.” he said and heard how Saya exhaled deeply on the other side.

„Where are you? Do you need me to pick you up?”

„Umm” Javier looked around and he realized that he had no idea where he was „I'd like that, actually.” he admitted, feeling slightly embarassed, and then started describing his surroundings until Saya got an idea where to look for him.

Twenty minutes later they were sitting in her car, silence between them a little bit heavy.

„You okay?” she asked once again, softly, and he winced.

„I needed some space to think.” he muttered and she nodded.

„I'm really sorry.” she offered and Javier didn't answer. He knew she was sorry and he felt kind of bad that she was dragged into this conflict now.

His heart almost stopped when they entered the house and immediately bumped into Yumi, and Javier almost panicked. How much did she know? Maybe she would think that he was overreacting or blame him for something? But Yumi just looked at him, a trace of sadness in her smile, and she touched his cheek briefly.

„He left right after you went to collect Javi.” she said, looking at Saya „He said he had to go back to work.”

Javier only stared at her dumbly, while Saya pressed her lips together and exhaled deeply through her nose.

„Of course.” she said, her expression dark „I'm gonna call him.”

„No.” Javier said, snapping out of his daze and giving them a weak smile „I'll do that.”

Both women looked at him with concern, but he didn't want to drag them in this anymore, he didn't want them to be a go- between. They were adults and they were going to deal with it.

Back in the safe solitude of Yuzuru's bedroom, Javier took out his phone and fiddled with it for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. He knew that Yuzuru probably was trying to give him some space and time, and a part of Javier needed just that. But the other part desperately wanted to talk about it, to make sure Yuzuru knew why Javier was so upset, figure out what they were going to do, how they could work through it.

He took a deep breath, bracing himself for what was going to happen, and pressed the call button.

Javier closed his eyes, his heartbeat echoing in his whole body.

A voicemail.

Javier almost threw the phone away, but he managed to collected himself somehow.

„Hi, it's me. I'm back home and you're not here, so... I think we need to talk. A lot. I just don't know-” he stopped, flinching at his own words before continuating, his voice catching in his throat „- I just need you to remember that I love you.”

He wondered if he should add something more, but a sharp ring announced that the voicemail turned off. Maybe that was better.

Javier flopped on the bed and close his eyes. He was feeling so exhausted, every muscle in his body aching, his chest tight with a phanthom pain that wouldn't go away. He just wanted Yuzuru to come back to him. He was hurt, more than ever, but he just wanted to have him close, to make sure he wouldn't run away, now that everything he had been trying to hide was right there in front of Javier's eyes.

 

 

Javier woke up in the cold bed and his breathing hitched in his throat. He reached for his phone and his heart dropped a little when he saw there were no new messages.

He wished he had Keiji's phone number, so he could text him and check if everything was okay. He was still sad and angry, but now he was also anxious.

He dragged himself out of the bed and then to the kitchen, and almost turned around to run away whwn he saw Yuzuru's father sitting there by himself. Javier liked him, and he felt as if the older man liked him too, but now he was feeling slightly awkward.

„Good morning, Javier.” he smiled politely and Javier tried his best to smile back.

„Hello.” he shifted awkwardly, not really sure what to do with himself.

„The water is still hot, it boiled just a second ago.” Yuzuru's father said and Javier nodded dumbly and walked to the counter to prepare himself a cup of tea.

He almost hoped that they would just sit there in silence, but the other part of him was dreading that.

The choice was made for him.

„So, Javier.” Yuzuru's father accosted him, smiling kindly „Could you help me today too? We've just a few more adjustments.”

Javier blinked rapidly, slightly surprized. It really wasn't what he expected, but he quickly agreed. He was kind of grateful that mr Hanyu didn't talk about what was going on between him and Yuzuru. Javier wasn't even sure how much he knew, so sticking to neutral topics seemed like a safer option. Javier liked Yuzuru's family a lot and he didn't want to put any strain between them.

They cleaned up the garden and Yuzuru's father gave Javier a nice lecture about the meaning of flowers blossoming around them. Red rose, love, and a white one- innocence and a new beggining. Chamomile for patience, carnations for forgivness. Javier stared at the colorful flower- beds and smiled to himself slightly, looking at all that delicate beauty.

„There it is.”

Javier blinked and turned to look at Yuzuru's father, who was watching him with a gentle expression.

„The smile.” the man added, and that was the only time he somehow adressed the whole Yuzuru situation.

When they finished their work in the garden Javier didn't really know what to do with himself. He felt like he needed to keep himself occupied with something, so he could survive untill Yuzuru would hopefully come back. So when Yumi approached him tentatively and asked him to go to the store to grab a few things she needed to prepare dinner- he was happy to take a shopping list and leave the house for a moment. The weather turned a bit chilly, with an unpleasant wind, so he grabbed his jacket right before he left. After a few minutes he put his hands into the pockets of his jacekts, and winced when he discovered a small screwdriver in one of them. He really was distracted.

„Javier?”

He stopped abruptly at the unknown voice, but they guy who was now standing in front of him looked vaguely familiar.

„I'm sorry to bother you.” the stranger smiled apologetically „We've met briefly a few days ago, at the store?”

„Ah, you're Akito, right?” Javier smiled politely; he had no idea why he chose to approach him, but suddenly he thought that it had to be connected to Yuzuru somehow, and his whole body tensed up „How can I help you?” he asked and Akito's smile widened.

„Oh, you for sure can.” he said, looking over Javier's shoulder, and Javier gaped with confusion.

But before he could say anything he heard rapid footsteps behind him and someone garbbed him violently, pressing a piece of clothing to his mouth. Javier's instincts kicked in and he desperately tried to free himself from the strong grip, but in mere seconds he felt numbness takiking control over his body and a moment later everything faded into darkness.

 

* * *

 

Javier woke up abruptly to a fist to his stomach. He gasped, feeling heavy and dizzy, and for a moment he had no idea what was going on. He took a few deep, rapid breaths, trying to figure out what was going on. He was sitting on a chair, his hands tied painfully behind his back; he had no idea where he was or who was the guy who just hit him.

It was coming back to him now, he was talking with someone on the street and the he was drugged- that would explain why he was so dizzy.

They guy who had just punched him walked away without a word and Javier had a short moment to look around and maybe figure out what the hell was going on. It looked like he was in some big garage or other storage area, with some boxes piled in the corners.

„Sorry for the harsh wake up, but we don't have much time.”

Javier flinched at that voice, falsly friendly and calm. Another man stopped right in front of him, and Javier suddenly remembered.

„Why am I here?” he asked and Akito smiled at him, bringing a chair and sitting right in front of Javier.

„I've a few question. I really hope you can answer, it'll be better for you and more convenient for me.”

Javier stayed silent, his thoughts racing.

„I need you to tell me if they know I'm involved in these kidnappings.” Akito said politely and Javier tried his best not to show how surprized he was.

That didn't make any sense, but Javier knew he had to stall to buy some time and figure out what the hell was going on and what to do.

„Why would I know? Yuzuru doesn't tell me about it.” he said and Akito shook his head.

„We're not stupid. I know that you stay at his house and that you came to the station with him a few times.”

Javier stayed silent, desperately trying to figure out what to do. Apparently Akito was the bad guy in this whole situation, and Javier was pretty sure that Yuzuru and his team had no idea about that.

„I don't know anything.” Javier repeated stubbornly, even though he knew it was pointless; apparently Akito or his people were following them and realized that he was somehow involved.

„I'm not stupid, Javier.” Akito leaned forward a little, his voice threatening „I've done my reaserch. There's no way you don't know anything.” he reached back and Javier's heart dropped when he saw a gun in his hand. Akito raised it deliberately slow and put it to Javier's temple.

„So I'm gonna ask you once again.” Akito said slowly and Javier felt his heart in his throat „Do they know?”

„I don't think so.” Javier said with difficulty; he knew he basically had no choice at that point and he wasn't planning on dying because of that investigation „They suspect some companies that sail to Russia, but I don't know which.” he felt bad for revealing the information, but there was really no other option for him now.

„You see, that wasn't that bad.” Akito said, all smiles again, but he didn't take the gun away „What else?”

„They found a body in Russia.” Javier decided to say; Akito probably knew about that already, and throwing the body to a river wasn't exactly a way to hide it and he had to realize that „I don't know anything else.” that wasn't exactly the whole truth, but close enough, and he was pretty sure he sold it.

Akito stared at him closely and then drew back, hiding the gun behind his belt.

„Thank you, Javier. You earned yourself a slightly easier fate.” he nodded and suddenly someone grabbed Javier's shoulders and brought him to his feet violently. It was all happening too fast and Javier felt stunned, as if none of that was real.

„Why me?” he asked dumbly, and Akito laughed shortly.

„You were the easiest target. Also, Yuzuru's gonna be crushed if he won't see you ever again. Should buy us enough time.”

At that Javier's whole body suddenly went limp, his knees shaking. He had been so focused on getting through every moment that he didn't think about what would happen next.

„What are you gonna do with me?” he asked, shifting slightly, but the guy holding him just tightened his grip on him „Make me disappear, just like you did with your brother?” it was kind of a desperate move and he didn't know what pushed him do that; he immediately regretted saying that when he saw how Akito's eyes narrowed dangerously.

„My brother got exactly what he deserved. And now he can be a part of something big and be useful for a change.” he sighed and rubbed his face „Take him.”

Before Javier could say or do anything, he was dragged outiside, pushed into a trunk of a truck and locked inside.

„Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Javier whined when the engine started and the car started moving. He was still overwhelmed and confused, but he knew he had to act, adrenaline circling in his veins. The trunk was empty except of a few scrolls of foil, but he couldn't see well in a dim light.

The car turned sharply and Javier rolled around a little bit and he hissed when something stabbed him in his side. He froze for a second and then his eyes widened.

A screwdriver.

It took him some turning and rolling around but he finally got it out of his pocket and carefully started trying to untie his hands.

„Come on.” he muttered to himself and then hissed when he stabbed his hand and blood ran down his fingers. He didn't care, it would make it only easier for him to get rid of the tight rope.

It worked, and a few moments later he was rubbing his wrists, trying to get rid of the numbness. He carefully made his way to the door. Lucky for him it was an old type of a car and he was able to unlock it with a slight help of the screwdriver. He hesitated for a moment before opening, trying to figure out how high the speed was, but he knew he didn't really had a choice- he had to get out before they reached their destination. It was like his body was suddenly programmed to do what it had to, his mind oriented on getting out of the situation.

He cracked the door open a little bit, holding it strongly. They were on a double- lane road, but the area seemed more industrial, with big buildings around looking like production halls and companies headquarters. They passed a gas station and that kicked Javier into action. He took a deep breath, preparing himself mentally for what was going to happen.

And then, he jumped.

 

 

The gas station worker almost fainted when he saw Javier, but handed him the phone immediately when he asked for it.

„Thanks.” Javier smiled, catching his own reflection in the window; he looked awful, his clothes dirty, his left palm covered with blood, a few scratches on his face. His torso hurt like hell and he suspected that he had a fractured a rib or two after falling on asphalt.

He wondered if Akito and his companions already realized that he was gone, but he didn't think they would risk going back and looking for him. They probably were on their way to Russia or some other country without extradition.

Javier shook his head slightly and sent the guy another apologetic smile before typing Yuzuru's number.

„Who's calling?” Yuzuru asked immediately after picking up, and Javier's throat itched.

„Hey Yuzu.” he said, trying to sound calm and not to freak Yuzuru out.

He failed.

„Oh my god, where are you? What happened, are you okay?”

„I'm okay, don't worry.” Javier rushed to reassure him and then turned to the station worker „Umm, excuse me, where are we, exactly?”

The very confused guy gave him the adress and Javier passed the information to Yuzuru.

„We're coming.” Yuzuru informed him, his breathing loud and erratic in Javier's ear „Are you safe?”

„I think so.”

„Just stay there, I'll be right there in a moment.” Yuzuru said, his voice wavering a little bit at the end.

When the call ended the employee offered Javier a cup of tea, which he accepted gratefully. He also gave him a washroom key so Javier could was his bloodied hand and face. He winced when he saw his relfection in a mirror, and his heart clenched when he realized how upset Yuzuru would be. He was probably already stressed beyond belief and that was going to be so hard.

About twenty minutes later Yuzuru and Satoko bursted in, accompanied by two policemen. Yuzuru looked frantic as he made his way to Javier and before he could react, Yuzuru wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly, and Javier had to bite his tongue not to whine in pain.

„Careful, careful.” he mumbled and Yuzuru drew back immediately, his eyes going wide.

„Are you okay?” he asked, his fingers tracing scratches on Javier's face.

„I think I could use some x- rays.” Javier said and Yuzuru flinched at his light tone, swallowing visibly. He looked terribly pale and Javier wanted to say something, but was interrupted by Satoko.

„Hospital, yes?” she asked shortly „You need to tell us everything, Javier.”

„I can do it on a way.” he offered and she nodded. Yuzuru pressed his lips together, not looking pleased, but he stayed silent.

„You good in there?” Satoko asked when he flopped on a backseat with a groan and gritted his teeth.

„Yeah. I'm not gonna use the safety belt tho.” he said and Yuzuru glared at him from a front seat, worry visible in his eyes, and then he turned to start the engine „Guys, this is gonna sound weird, but how much time passed? They knocked me out.”

„A few hours.” Satoko explained „Yuzuru's mom called him when you didn't come back from a store.” she sighed „What happened?”

„It was Akito. Kazuo Anderson's brother.” Javier explained and both Yuzuru and Satoko gasped.

„What?!”

„He approached me on a street and then someone grabbed me from behind and drugged me.” Javier flinched and almost whined when his ribcage burned with pain „I woke up in some storage or something.”

„What did he want?”

„He, uh, he wanted to know about how's the investigation going. If you suspect him.” he said, feeling a sting of shame „I, umm, I'm sorry, but I told him a few things, about the body and who you suspect. I'm sorry, I-”

„It's okay.” Yuzuru said, his voice tight and distant „Don't worry about it.” he shook his head angrily „Fuck, they always hated each other, why didn't I think it was suspicious that he started to act like a good brother lately?”

„He said that Kazuo got what he deserved.” Javier recalled with a wince „He also said that he was a part of something important and that he could be useful.”

Satoko started asking him more questions and Javier tried to answer them the best he could, but at some point he started drifting away, pain and exhaustion taking control over his body.

 

* * *

 

They got back home a few minutes before ten and Javier immediately went to the shower. He indeed had two fractured ribs and a few nasty bruises, but nothing that would force him to stay at a hospital. They had given him some strong painkillers, instructions how to take care of himself and a promise that he would be perfectly fine in a few weeks.

Javier sighed deeply as hot water ran down his body.

He was exhausted and sore, and his thoughts were a mess. It was still surreal to him; he had been kidnapped in the morning because of Yuzuru's investigation and now he was calmly standing in the shower.

Ridiculous.

But the awful events of the day couldn't make him forget about what was happening between him and Yuzuru. Their conflict didn't just evaporate, it was still there, and Javier had no idea what he was supposed to do now.

Putting his clothes on was a challenge and he gave up after barely winning with his sweatpants. He slowly made his way to the bedroom, bumping into Yumi on the way and spending the next ten minutes on insisting that he was okay.

Yuzuru was in the bedroom when Javier got there, checking something on his phone. Javier could feel Yuzuru's heavy gaze on him as he made his way to sit on a bed, lowering himself carefully.

„How are you feeling?” Yuzuru asked quietly, his eyes tracing bruises on Javier's ribs.

„Brings back good old memories.” Javier said and Yuzuru's expression twisted; Javier immediately felt bad- he knew that Yuzuru didn't like when he joked in serious situations, but that was just who he was.

„I'm sorry.” Yuzuru said, his voice strangled „It's all my fault. I shouldn't have put you in that situation.”

Javier wanted to reassure him that it wasn't right, but he just didn't have enough strength to argue with Yuzuru and trying to change his mind. So he only shook his head slightly, smiling just a little bit.

„Don't worry.” he said „I'll sleep it away and tomorrow I'll be fine.”

And just like that, Yuzuru's face turned into stone.

„Your should pack.” Yuzuru said hollowly „Your flight is at eight in the morning.”

Javier frowned, confused.

„I’m going back next week. On Friday I think?” he offered, trying to recall the date „Yeah, for sure.”

Yuzuru pressed his lips together and folded his arms on his chest.

„I bought you a new ticket. You’re going tomorrow.” he said flatly and Javier gaped, but collected himself quickly.

„No, I’m not.” he said and Yuzuru drew in a shaky breath.

„My parents and Saya are leaving in the morning too, they will stay at my uncle’s. You need to go too. You can’t stay here.” his voice cracked a little bit at the end and Javier’s heart squeezed painfully. He could tell where Yuzuru was coming from, and that he was worried about him, but Javier didn’t want to leave. They were going through a hard time, but he felt that they had to stick together now, more than ever.

„Yuzu...” Javier tried, keeping his voice calm and reasonable „I know that you’re worried, but they’re not that stupid to try that again. I can stay here all day, I can pretend I’m not even in the house. But don’t make me leave.” the thought that Yuzuru would be here all alone, with no one to talk to, was breaking his heart. And he truly believed he wasn’t in serious danger anymore; Akito wasn’t stupid, he probably chose to flee the country forever instead of trying to hurt Javier or anyone else. But Yuzuru shook his head, his expression blank.

„No. You’re going back to Spain.”

„You can’t force me.” Javier said, a hint of a childish challenge in his voice. His emotions were crashing like waves inside him, all that adrenaline and hurt and just worry and a hint of sadness. The last two days were hard on him and he didn’t have enough strength to fight. He just wanted to go to sleep, wake up, talk with Yuzuru about everything what was happening between them and just be sure that he was safe. He couldn’t do that from the other side of the world.

Yuzuru stared at him, something in his expression shifting, and his eyes turning sad for the briefest of moments.

„I can’t risk your life, Javi.” he said, his voice rough „You were already hurt because of me, I can’t-” he inhaled deeply, his eyes going hard „- if I have to, I will drag you to the plane in handcuffs. I don’t care what you think about it, I’m not letting you stay here.”

Javier understood, he really did, but he felt a spark of anger in his chest; but he was exhausted and bruised, and his heart was aching. Yuzuru seemed so distant, and it was Toronto all over again, and suddenly they were in Javier’s old apartment, silence between them heavy and painful.

„You don’t have to do all of this alone.” he said, his throat dry, and Yuzuru smiled at him weakly.

„Maybe I should.” he whispered and Javier froze.

„What?” he managed to get out.

Yuzuru didn’t answer, but the look he gave him almost broke his heart.

„Just pack. Please.” he said and then left, almost running out of the room.

Javier just sat there, his heart beating fast and causing so much pain he had troubles breathing.

Everything was falling apart and he had no idea what he could do to make it stop.

There was a soft knock on the door and Javier's heart skipped at the thought that it could be Yuzuru.

But it wasn't him.

„Can I come in?” Saya smiled gently and Javier swallowed hard before nodding.

„You okay?” she asked and Javier knew that she could see on his face that he was trying not to cry.

„Not really.” he said and she made her way to him, sitting close.

„Hey, what-”

„Could you help me with packing?” Javier asked bluntly, trying to control shaking of his voice „Yuzuru's putting me on a plane tomorrow, but I can't really raise my hands that much right now.”

Saya blinked rapidly, her expression crumpling. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but then she just gave Javier a gentle smile and nodded.

„Of course.” she said and Javier suddenly felt awkward.

„Wait, I-” he moved slightly and winced when the pain hit, but she put a hand on his shoulder.

„It's okay, I've got it.” she smiled and quickly started folding his shirts.

„Thank you.” he said, slightly embarassed, and she sat next to him again.

„It's okay.” she repeated; and then, after a moment of silence „I'm sorry, I don't even know what I can say. I- I'm sorry, Javi.”

Javier didn't know what to say either, so he stayed silent, managing to smile and squeezing her hand.

When she left Javier took his meds and moved to lie in the bed; he gave up waiting for Yuzuru at that point, and he gave up fighting with him. He felt as if there was a hole in his chest, slowly filling with pain and exhaustion.

It wasn't what he wanted, it wasn't what he had been expecting before they came to Japan. He didn't expect a heartbreak and that new strain in their relationship, and he didn't know what to do. And now Yuzuru was putting some distance between them, and Javier had no idea how to try and save their relationship from falling apart so quickly and unexpectedly.

Javier was scared of what was going to happen, and it felt as if there was nothing he could do.

He was exhausted, but the sleep didn't come; Javier was in some kind of stupor, half asleep, his body begging for rest but his mind still working in a daze. And he almost didn't notice when Yuzuru came in until he sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at Javier with unreadable expression.

„Hey.” Javier rasped, his voice low and hoarse; he wanted to take Yuzuru's hand, but his own felt so incredibly heavy he wasn't sure if he could move it.

In the dark, he suddenly felt safe, as if all what had happened before was some kind of surreal dream.

Yuzuru put his hand on Javier's cheek, stroking it gently.

„I'm sorry.” he murmured, his fingers trembling slightly „But it's gonna be better that way.”

Javier couldn't really speak, and he didn't know what to say either. It all was too complicated and painful, and he was still tired and sad and even angry, an echo of Yuzuru's lies still sitting in the back of his head.

He loved him so much. But it was so damn hard.

So Javier didn't say anything. But he moved his hand to put it on the top of Yuzuru's, their eyes meeting in the dark. It felt intimate and oddly distant at the same time, and Javier wondered with pain in his heart how they could let this happen.

Yuzuru let out a deep breath and then leaned forward and brushed his lips against Javier's in a bittersweet kiss that somehow tasted both like apology and goodbye.

Javier's eyes fell shut and he drifted away, not knowing if Yuzuru left or not; but when he woke up, the other half of the bed was empty.

 

 

The ride to the airport was quiet.

Javier stared at the passing landscape, the reality of what was happening standing right there in front of him. It all felt sharp and cold in the light of the day, and his heart felt heavy. Yuzuru was driving in silence, gripping the wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.

Javier knew that Yuzuru just wanted to protect him, on his own way, but he hated how every decision was made without his input. That was not how a relationship should work, but Javier gave up fighting at that point. He was aching and bone- tired, and his feelings were one big mess. He still hated that Yuzuru would be all alone, but Javier knew he couldn't change his mind on that.

It hurt, but Javier decided he just had to accept that.

He checked his luggage in and suddenly there was nothing more to do than to go through security.

They looked at each other and suddenly Javier was painfully aware how many people was around them and how much space there was between them, even though they were standing so close.

What should he say?

There were so many words sitting on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't get them out.

_What happens now?_

_I wish you let me talk to you._

_Stay safe._

_I love you._

Yuzuru looked at him with those wide, dark eyes, and Javier's heart ached. He reached and put his hand on Yuzuru's neck for a moment and swallowed hard.

„Catch the bad guy.” he said, smiling a bit shakily „And then- come home.”

Yuzuru's lips parted slightly as he looked at Javier, so many emotions running through his face that Javier couldn't pinpoint all of them. Then he smiled, with the saddest of smiles, and it felt as if they were saying goodbye forever.

And then, he was gone.

 

* * *

 

Javier held himself together during the flight. He managed to sleep for a half of it, forced in some plane food, and spent solind two hours on talking with his neigbour, a lovely French lady that loved to chat about her grandkids.

When they landed in Madrid it was still a middle of the day, and Javier felt lightheaded from all the travelling and intense heat that hit him the moment he left the plane. It felt weird, as if a part of a dream, to sit in a train all by himself, surrounded by loud Spanish chatter, and suddenly he felt so lonely and so out of place his heart skipped a beat.

He changed his mind halfway home and twenty minutes later he was standing in front of a door, each knock taking the last remaining bits of his energy.

His dad opened, blinking in surprise when he saw Javier in front of him.

„Javi? What are you doing here, you-”

Javier didn't let him finish; he dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around his dad, ignoring waves of pain.

„Hey, what's going on?” his dad asked, hugging Javier back and patting his shoulder reassuringly „Did something happen?”

And with that, Javier finally started crying.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a perfect blend of angst and feels, am I right??? (joke, I'm crying real tears)


	7. volveré a pintar de azul el universo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> error 404 chapter summary not found (but it's rated F for Feels)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me writing this chapter: how do relationship work- should I write smut- *writes two pages*- no I shouldn't- *deletes*- is this even real- how do people talk??? how???  
> To sum up, this was the hardest thing to write and Idk. But I wanted to give you guys this chapter asap, because I know a lot of you are very upset rn :/ So I stayed up last night and finished writing, and I think I can post it now!  
> Sexual content is a bit more... implied, let's say, but nothing explicit, I figured I can't really write smut apparently, huh.  
> (Also, I've no idea how relationship works but I hope it's somehow believable.)  
> Hope you enjoy!

 

Javier opened his eyes slowly and immediately closed them again, the world around him too bright and aggressive. He turned around and buried his face in a pillow, but the sleep didn't come back to him. So after some time he groaned and sat up, wincing when the sudden movement caused a pulsing pain in his whole body. He blinked a few times and looked around his old room, taking in familiar yellow walls and old wooden furnitures.

Then he glared at his alarm clock and discovered that it was well past noon.

He had come back the day before and spent half of the evening on crying his eyes out on the sofa, first only in front of his dad and then also Laura and their mom. He winced with embarassment when he recalled that pity party he had thrown, but he also felt like he had a full right to do that, just once.

Javier grabbed the first shirt he could reach and slowly waddled to the kitchen. He didn't really expect that anyone would be there, so he was a bit surprized when he saw Laura sitting by a kitchen table, a pile of papers in front of her. She raised her head when she heard him enter, and gave him a blinding smile.

„Hey, sleepy- head.” she greeted him cheerfully, almost jumping up „You hungry? It's more lunch time, so I can prepare you something.”

„Sure. That'd be great, thanks.” he sat down carefully and her face turned worried.

„Are you okay? I can take a look if you want.”

„No, don't worry.” Javier shook his head and she gave him stern _remember- I'm- a- nurse_ look „You've a free day today?”

„Now I do.” she said, handing him a cup of coffee and Javier flinched. He knew what she meant by that- probably she and their parents had had a serious talk about who should stay at home with him. He was grateful that they cared, but he also felt bad- he didn't want to be a burden.

Laura served him an omelete with vegetables and then sat in front of him, pretending to be working but stealing little glances at him every few minutes.

„What?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her, and she scrunched her nose.

„You forgot your phone in the living room yesterday.” Laura said and he narrowed his eyes; he had totally forgotten about it, busy with being a crying mess.

„Uhh, okay. Thanks.” Javier said, slightly confused, and Laura sighed deeply.

„Yuzuru called in the morning.” she blurted out and Javier's heart stopped for a second „He wanted to know if you landed safely.”

„I'm dumb.” Javier muttered to himself, felling like an idiot for not letting Yuzuru know that he had came back without any problems.

„Don't worry.” Laura said reassuringly, touching his hand „I just told him that you were very tired.”

Javier nodded silently, feeling a lump forming in his throat.

Laura's face softened, her eyes warm and wise.

„What are you planning to do now?”

That was a good question. Javier was asking it himself too, but deep inside he really knew the answer.

„Well, I'm gonna stay with you for some time, then I'll go back to work.” he said, shrugging „And I'll wait for him to come home.”

Laura looked at him for a long moment, her gaze serious and searching.

„You know-” she started carefully „- when I saw you yesterday, I kind of thought it was over between you two. I like him, Javi, I really do, but that was a lot. And to be honest, I'm pretty mad at him.”

„Me too.” Javier admitted „Believe me, I-” he shook his head, smiling slightly „- but I love him. He screwed up, yes, but he loves me too. And as long as he wants to fight fo us, we will.”

It sounded almost pompous, but that was how Javier felt. He was still upset and overwhelmed, but he wasn't going to let Yuzuru go. He really believed that they were going to get through this, but his main concern now was if Yuzuru would want that too. Javier had no doubt that he loved him; but he really was overdramatic sometimes, and had a tendency to self- sacrifice. What pained Javier the most was that they hadn't really talked about it; it all happened so fast and Javier barely had time to cool down before the Akito situation, and then suddenly he was crying on his parents' sofa.

„I'm gonna call him.” he said suddenly, without thinking, but it felt right. In Japan was already late evening, so Yuzuru was probably at home.

Laura smiled at him encouragingly as he paced to the living room, where his phone was lying on the coffee table.

Yuzuru picked up after three rings, but he didn't say anything, and Javier could hear only his quickened breathing.

„Hi” Javier said, even softer than he had intended, and Yuzuru exhaled deeply „I'm sorry I couldn't pick up earlier.”

„It's okay.” Yuzuru said quickly „I talked to Laura.”

„She was nice to you, right?” Javier asked, not really able to get rid of his usual sense of humor, and Yuzuru made a weird, choked sound.

„Of course.” he said, and Javier felt like an asshole again. He wasn't like that on purpose, that was just his personality.

The silence stretched between them and Javier swallowed hard, suddenly almost regretting calling.

„Did something happen?” Yuzuru asked finally with hesitation „Are you okay?”

„Yeah, I just-” _I miss you, I love you, I wish I was there with you_ „Could you send me a message everyday after coming home? I just want to know that you're okay.”

All Javier wanted to do was to beg him to come back to Madrid, so they could talk and cry and heal. But now he didn't even feel like he could articulate a simple 'I love you', and suddenly he wasn't even sure of Yuzuru wanted to hear that.

„Of course.”

Javier's heart ached.

„Stay safe.” was everything he said, and he could swear he heard a small chuckle on the other side of the line.

„You too.” Yuzuru said softly before hanging up.

 

 

Javier spent the rest of the day on the sofa, watching tv and drinking coffee in probably slightly unhealthy amounts.

His dad was the first to come home and smiled at Javier widely before flopping on the sofa next to him and ruffling his hair.

„You're feeling better?” he asked and Javier's cheeks heat up with embarassment.

„Yes.” he shrugged and winced; he was still forgetting that every move could be a source of awful pain „Sorry about yesterday.”

„Hey, no worries.” his dad shook his head „When your mother dumped me for the second time, I was crying for a week and your grandma had to use force to drag me out from my bed.”

„For the second time?” Javier asked, stunned, and his dad grinned.

„First time was when we were still in high school. I got drunk of sangria.” he chuckled and Javier felt a sting of laughter forming somewhere deep in his chest.

„Mom dumped you two times?”

„Three, to be specific.” his dad informed him smugly „But I don't count the third one, because I proposed five minutes later and she said yes, so it was a win overall.”

Javier gaped, not really familiar with that part of the family history. His dad's face softened as he smiled at Javier and patted his cheek gently.

„It's gonna be okay, Javi. I promise. As long as you don't give up.” he said and then went to the kitchen, yelling about dying from hunger.

Javier sat on the sofa all by himself, listening to the loud chatter coming from the kitchen, and he suddenly felt almost totally at peace.

 

 

„Hi!” Gabby waved at him enthusiastically from the screen and Javier chuckled at her excited expression.

„You're calling from work again?” he asked, readjusting the laptop on his knees, and she pouted.

„Let's say I'm having a lunch break now.” she said with a giggle „And how are you? Still in Japan?”

„Uh, no.” Javier shiften uncomfortably „Something came up and I had to come back earlier.”

Gabby stared at him, her eyes narrowed, and he could swear he felt some dark energy radiating from the screen.

„What did he do?!” she yelled suddenly and Javier almost jumped „I totally told him I'd murder him if he-”

„Gabby, hey, easy.” he rushed to calm her down „Really, you don't have to worry.”

„You don't have to tell me, I'll find out anyway.” she said and he cursed himself internally.

„Okay, okay.” he raised his hands in surrender; it was better to tell Gabby himself than let her pester poor Keiji „So I had to come back because of Yuzuru's case, for safety reasons.” he explained and Gabby gasped loudly, her eyes widening.

„What happened? Are you okay?”

„I've a few bruises, but I'm fine.” he said, deciding to save her dreadful details. Gabby looked worried and Javier smiled, trying to cheer her up „Seriously, you don't have to worry. It's kinda nice to come back and be able to eat some normal food.” he joked and she snorted, smiling at him again.

„Geez, you're so picky.” she said with a roll of her eyes „I'm glad you're good tho, you got me scared for a moment.” she shook her head and Javier felt a little bit guilty for not telling the entire truth „Yuzuru's still there, right?” Gabby asked and he nodded.

„Yeah, we needs to finish the case.”

„I bet you miss him a lot already.” she said with a wink and he swallowed hard.

„I do.”

 

* * *

 

Javier left his parents' house nine days later, feeling pretty good both mentally and physically. But when he entered the small apartment him and Yuzuru were sharing, his heart stuttered weirdly in his chest. It suddenly felt wrong, to be there on his own, and he had to fight an urge to turn around and run away.

The whole place looked painfully familiar, just like they had left it, not affected by what happened between them. Yuzuru's favourite mug was still standing on the kitchen counter, unwashed since they had had to run to the airport.

Javier slumped on one of the chairs, sighing heavily and hiding his face in his hands.

He wished he wasn't alone.

Yuzuru dutifully sent him a message everyday; all of them were short and dry, and breaking Javier's heart. He really believed he was behaving pretty fair towards Yuzuru, given all the circumstances; but the problem was that Yuzuru wasn't reaching out to him, and Javier really started to worry about that, and it only made him feel guilty about sitting in Madrid without any dangers lurking around.

He knew that Yuzuru was probably snowed under with the case and everything; and he was the one who almost forcefully put Javier on the plane back.

Javier didn't like the idea of being separeted for who knows how long, but now he started to think that maybe some time apart would somehow help them gather their thoughts and figure out what to do, even though be would prefer to stick together; but now he was scared that Yuzuru would just draw back and stay away, all while thinking that it was for the best.

His heart was beating in a steady, strong rhythm, but his chest still throbbed with pain, dull and always present.

What if Yuzuru would never come back?

 

 

Javier wasn't fully healed when he got back to work, but he couldn't stand sitting at home. Sara smiled widely when she saw him and immediately assigned him to a group of hyperactive ten years olds and he didn't even complain. He was happy to get something to occupy his mind, so he didn't mind when Sergio announced that it was his time to go for vacation and handed all his students to Javier. It still wasn't that much of work, since it was still middle of the summer and the place wasn't that crowded.

He called Yuzuru twice.

He picked up once and hang up after barely two minutes of a very awkward and shallow conversation.

Javier wasn't going to give up, but maybe Yuzuru did just that.

 

* * *

 

It was a few minutes after midnight and Javier couldn't sleep.

He hated being alone in that apartment, he hated sleeping in that bed alone. He grew nervous and restless, so he was spending long night hours on pacing around and trying to find something to occupy his distracted mind.

So now he was walking around the apartment, barefoot and wearing his comfiest pyjamas, an old number of National Geographic in his hands. Slovenia looked nice, he should totally visit next year-

\- and then, he heard a scratching of a key and he froze in the middle of a corridor, his grip on the magazine going weak.

The door opened slowly and Javier's heart actually stopped when he saw Yuzuru entering the apartment quietly, as if he was afraid that Javier was still asleep and he would wake him up. But then he saw Javier and almost tripped, his suitcase falling to the ground.

They stared at each other in silence, gazes searching and careful. Yuzuru looked pale and tired, but Javier noticed with relief that beside that he looked okay, maybe a little bit too thin.

His heart stuttered painfully when he saw Yuzuru's expression, uncertain and conflicted.

„Hey.” Javier said softly, and Yuzuru's face twisted.

„Hi.” he answered in a small voice and Javier knew he had to make the first move.

He made his way to Yuzuru and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him as close as possible. Yuzuru went limp against his body, hiding his face in the crook of Javier's neck and exhaling deeply.

It felt almost surreal, to have Yuzuru there, to be able to hug him, to hear his slightly quickened heartbeat. He didn't know why Yuzuru hadn't think about letting him know that he was coming, but it was the smallest of his concerns in that moment.

Yuzuru's shoulders started trembling slightly and Javier could feel his lips parting slightly against Javier's skin, and then- tears.

„I'm sorry.” Yuzuru whispered, choking on the last syllable „I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.”

Javier didn't say anything, just put his hand on the back of Yuzuru's neck, holding him close, the second hand moving soothingly on his back. Because despite everything, he was just happy to have him close and safe.

After some time- Javier didn't know how long- Yuzuru's breathing steadied and he sniffled a few times before drawing back a little, finally looking Javier straight in the eyes.

From that small distance Javier could see the unhealthy, grey shade of Yuzuru's skin, his dark eyes wide open, and Javier knew they couldn't do that right now. Yuzuru looked like a ghost of himself, shaky and exhausted, and Javier didn't have a heart to try and have a serious talk about past and future. So he just smiled, his fingertips caressing soft skin on Yuzuru's nape.

„You didn't tell me you'd come.” he said softly and Yuzuru just blinked at him, swallowing visibly, and Javier decided not to push „You hungry?”

Yuzuru looked stunned, staring at Javier as if he couldn't quite understand him.

„I ate on the plane.” he said finally, his words slow and unsure.

„Okay.” Javier nodded, dropping his hand to his side „You can go wash up if you want and I'll bring you some fresh clothes to change.”

He thought he was being perfectly reasonable; let Yuzuru wash up after a long flight, put him to bed and let him sleep for some time before they would have to face reality. But for a second Yuzuru looked as if he was going to cry, and Javier stopped mid- motion, confused. And then Yuzuru's face went blank, that familiar, distant expression yet again.

„Yeah. Right.” he said and then went straight to the bathroom.

Feeling awfully confused, Javier walked to the bedroom and found Yuzuru's softest pyjamas.

He was feeling weird. He was so happy and relieved that Yuzuru was back, but on the other hand there was still so much emotional luggage between them, so many unsaid things; Javier wasn't really sure how to act, and for what he had seen, Yuzuru didn't know either.

He knocked softly before entering the bathroom. Yuzuru was sitting in a bathtub already, and Javier winced when he was hit with hot cloud of steam.

„Brought you this one.” he said, putting Yuzuru's clothes on the top of washing machine and- after a moment of hesitation- sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Yuzuru looked up at him, his eyes big, and he looked so fragile and tired Javier's heart clenched at the sight.

The silence between them was short, but Javier felt slightly uneasy already; he put his hand in the water and winced slightly at the temperature.

„You really needed sauna after that flight, huh?” he said, just to try and defuse the tension.

„Yeah.” Yuzuru said after a moment, his voice quiet and sounding unnatural „It was real long.”

Javier moved a little bit closer, his body moving on its own; his took his hand out of the water and hesitantly carded through Yuzuzu's hair. Yuzuru looked at him, a sudden look of vulnerability in his eyes.

„Do you want me to sleep on the couch?” he asked suddenly and Javier almost fell back.

He would laugh if those words didn't hurt so much.

Yuzuru was still so full of fear and uncertainty, and Javier didn't know what to do.

Yuzuru had messed up, of course, but Javier couldn't stand him beating himself up so much.

He swallowed hard and leaned forward slowly, his mind foggy.

„I'm happy you're home.” he whispered, a bit hoarsely, and then pressed his lips to Yuzuru's in a soft, chaste kiss. Yuzuru let out a trembling breath and Javier could feel the strain in his body, as if Yuzuru wanted to kiss him back, to touch him, but something was stopping him.

Javier didn't want to push him to do anything now, so he drew back, touching Yuzuru's cheek briefly before standing up.

„I'm gonna change the sheets.” he said softly and Yuzuru just nodded slowly, staring at him with unreadable expression.

Javier took care of the bed and then lie down on his side, his heart beating wildly in his chest. It was so much to take in, Yuzuru's sudden arrival, his odd, distanced behaviour; a situation Javier didn't know how to handle. He closed his eyes, deciding to try and fall asleep, exhaustion catching up to him finally.

A few minutes later he heard a quiet click of the bathroom door and then Yuzuru's slow footsteps. He stopped for a moment next to the bed, as if in hesitation, but then he lie down carefully, sticking to the other side. He shuffled for a moment and then stilled, letting out a long, deep breath.

Javier opened his eyes carefully and in the soft darkness of the room he could see Yuzuru's back, a tired line of his shoulders. There was suddenly a lump in his throat, and all he wanted was to hug him and tell him that everything would be fine.

The thing was- he didn't know if it would be the truth.

 

 

Javier woke up holding Yuzuru's hand.

Their bodies were still far away from each other, but their fingers were tangled loosely, as if they had reached out for each other unconsciously in the middle of the night. Yuzuru was breathing steadily, laying on his stomach with his face pressed to the pillow, and he looked so at peace Javier's heart stuttered.

He got up carefully, trying his best not to wake Yuzuru up. He grabbed his laptop and went to the kitchen; maybe the situation was difficult, but Javier decided to not overthink and try to focus on doing some work, since he had a free day and a lot of classes outlines to prepare.

Yuzuru padded into the kitchen three hours later, the evening sun coming throuth the window hitting him just the moment Javier looked at him. Yuzuru seemed tired, still, shadows under his eyes clearly visible.

„Hey there.” Javier smiled at him, his heart picking up a little speed „If you want to eat something, there's some leftover pasta in the fridge.”

Yuzuru looked at him for a moment before he silently slumped on a chair in front of Javier, his gaze never leaving his face.

„We need to talk.” he said, his voice full of tension, and Javier nodded, closing his laptop and putting it aside.

Yuzuru was the one who said that they needed to talk, but Javier knew him well enough to realize that he had to start.

„So” he started, smiling gently „How are you, Yuzu?”

Yuzuru opened his mouth, then closed them, frowning

„I'm okay.” he said finally „You? Is everything alright?”

„I'm good.” Javier shrugged „Everything's healed and totally fine.”

„That's good.” Yuzuru said, his face turning soft for a moment „Good.” he added quietly, flinching like in pain.

„Yeah, pretty convenient.” Javier smiled, feeling that he would probably start babbling in a second, but he couldn't quite figure out what was the proper thing to say „Now I can-”

„Javi” Yuzuru interrupted him, and Javier noticed familiar, nervous movements of his fingers „What's gonna happen now?”

A part of Javier wanted to joke about doing laundry, but he also got a little bit choked up at Yuzuru's vulnerable, hopeless expression. So he took a deep breath and took his glasses off to buy himself some time before looking straight at Yuzuru.

„I need to know one thing, Yuzu.” he said quietly, seriously „Do you understand why I got so upset?”

Yuzuru's face twisted and he swallowed visibly, moving his gaze to his hands.

„I lied to you.” he said, his voice wavering a little „And then I was an asshole about it.”

„You were.” Javier agreed softly and Yuzuru looked at him again, his eyes shining a little bit „But you know that I don't judge you for your past, right? I don't judge you, I don't blame you, I never did. And I kinda get where you were coming from, but this is not how relationships work.”

„I know.” Yuzuru said, his voice strangled and trembling „I know. And I'm so sorry. I can't-” he drew in a sharp breath and when his spoke again, his voice was small and quiet „I don't know how to fix it.”

Javier looked at him, pale and terrified, and his heart squeezed painfully.

That was it. There was the future of their relationship, lying on the kitchen table between them.

Javier reached out, slowly, and took one of Yuzuru's hands into his.

„It stings, when I think about it. And sometimes I still feel angry at you, for a second.” he admitted and Yuzuru sighed brokenly „But I forgive you, and I love you. And we will make it. But I need to know that you want it too. And that you're going to try, with me.” Javier said, his voice cracking a little at the end.

Yuzuru made a weird, strangled sound, and Javier could feel his own eyes getting a little bit moist. It wouldn't fix everything immediately; they still needed to talk a lot, to relearn how to be with each other and fill all the holes that the time Japan left in their relationship.

But maybe, that was the start.

„You-” Yuzuru gasped, his voice shaking, but he didn't seem able to finish whatever he wanted to say. But Javier could see a few tears running down his face, and Javier felt dangerously close to crying too.

He hold Yuzuru's hand while he was crying silently and then got up without a word to prepare him something to eat.

And then he took his hand again and tugged his hand gently, leading him to their small couch.

„You good?” Javier muttered and Yuzuru nodded; he was curled on Javier's lap, his head resting on Javier's chest. That was what felt important now- to be close, to show each other than they were still there, together, fighting.

„You know-” he said softly, one hand playing with Yuzuru's hair „- I might not be faultless too.”

„What?” Yuzuru asked, drawing back a little to look at him. Javier sighed softly, brushing his thumb over Yuzuru's cheekbone before letting his hand slip down. He had been thinking about it lately, and he actually came to a conclusion that he could have done something better too.

„I think that I could've been more considerate in the beggining. Becuase I kind of knew that you weren't sure how to do this, and I could see that you weren't exactly telling me everything. And I feel guilty, because I think I- I couldn've done it differently. Slow it down, let you figure it out-” Javier was stopped abruptly by Yuzuru's fingers pressed to his lips.

„You are perfect.” Yuzuru said softly „Everything that I ever hoped for and so much more than I deserve.” he moved his fingers along Javier's jaw and them curled them on his collar.

„We're really gonna have to work on that.” Javier said with a sigh and Yuzuru frowned.

„What do you mean?”

„What I mean is-” Javier smiled, but he was pretty sure that it came out a little bit sad „- that you have such a big heart and beautiful soul, but sometimes your mind gets too loud, and you get lost.” he muttered, touching Yuzuru's temple.

Yuzuru stared at him for a moment, before his face turned incredibly gentle.

„You really forgive me.” he whispered, so quietly as if he still couldn't believe it.

„I really love you.” Javier smiled, moving his hand on Yuzuru's back „But I told you once- you need to love yourself too.”

Javier was pretty sure that it was the source of everything, Yuzuru's insecurity and overwhelming feeling of guilt. But Javier also was feeling guitly, because he should have noticed. Yuzuru was always so good with hiding his emotions, since the very first moment they had met. But then things changed and Javier just let him keep it all to himself.

And now they only thing he could do was to love him.

 

* * *

 

They were taking it slow, step by step, hour by hour; they would kiss briefly in the kitchen and hold hands before falling asleep. They talked, a few times very seriosuly. Sometimes it still felt as if there was something missing, as if some piece had disappeared during that time in Japan, but they were slowly filling empty spaces between them, all the love they had and all the trust they were rebuilding.

They stayed at home; Yuzuru didn't want to go out anywhere except for work, and he was too anxious to meet Javier's family, so they sticked together, healing in a peaceful calmness of their home.

A week passed, short and hesitant, and Javier's skin started crawling, as if there was something he needed but couldn't name, but what was placed somewhere deep inside his body.

„ _¿Dónde está el amor, del que tanto hablan?_ ” he sang to himself, closing his laptop and stretching in the bright afternoon sun coming through the kitchen window „ _¿Por qué no nos sorprende, y rompe nuestra calma?_ ” he continued as he was walking to the bedroom, but stopped abruptly when he heard Yuzuru fumbling with his keys on the other side of the front door.

„Hey.” Yuzuru smiled slightly, almost shyly, and something inside Javier clicked, as if some switch was suddenly flicked. He probably was wearing a weird expression, because Yuzuru looked at him with concern.

„Are you okay?” he asked tentatively, straightening up and still holding shoes he just took off.

Javier didn't say anything. He simply walked to Yuzuru and kissed him, taking his face in his hands and pressing him gently against the door. Yuzuru made a muffled sound of suprize and for a moment his whole body tensed, like he wasn't sure what to do. But then he exhaled deeply against Javier's mouth and dropped the shoes he was holding, his hands coming to clutch Javier's shoulders.

It felt like ages passed since the last time they had kissed and they kept it toned down for a few minutes, the kisses soft and almost shy, as if they were testing the waters yet again.

They drew back to catch a breath and Javier moved his lips to Yuzuru's jaw, pressing his lips in soft kisses. He could feel fire starting to boil in his veins and he took a small step closer, trapping Yuzuru's body against his and the door, and Yuzuru let out a stuttering breath.

„Javi” he breathed out, tugging his hair slowly, and Javier drew back to look at him „Do you want-” his voice cracked and he didn't finish, swallowing hard as he stared at Javier with wide eyes.

He looked hopeful and careful and somehow guilty, and Javier's heart melted. He put one of his hands on Yuzuru's cheek, his thumb caressing soft skin there.

„Only if you want.” he said softly and Yuzuru sniffled, biting his lower lip for a second.

And then, he kissed him.

It was all fire now, their kisses turning deep and passionate, stealing their breaths away as they stumbled to the bedroom, not letting go of each other even for a moment. They slowed down when Javier's legs hit the bed, and they stopped abruptly, amost tumbling down.

„I hate your ties.” Javier muttered, untangling the offending piece from Yuzuru's neck and throwing it over his shoulders. He got rid of his own t-shirt while Yuzuru started unbottoning his shirt, but Javier immediately noticed that his hands were shaking.

„Hey” Javier said softly, taking Yuzuru's hands in his and squeezing them comfortingly „You okay?”

„Yes, I just-” he exhaled shakily and then leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Javier's „I missed you so much.” he whispered and Javier's heart felt so big he almost couldn't breathe.

They took it almost unbearably slow, touches and kisses careful and deliberate, and it almost felt like the very first time. Yuzuru seemed so fragile Javier was ridiculously scared he could break under the slightest touch of Javier's fingertips. It all felt warm and painfully intimate as they moved slowly, letting their bodies learn one another again.

„Oh” Yuzuru gasped, his back arching, his hands clutching Javier's shoulders almost deperately „I- I ne-” he stuttered and then choked, his whole body trembling, and Javier's chest had never felt so tight before.

He spotted two tears running down Yuzuru's cheek and his breathing hitched, his throat clenching with an overwhelming affection.

„Hey” Javier breathed against Yuzuru's lips, tangling his fingers in his hair „Look at me.” he asked, and was surprized with the edge of desperation he heard in his own voice.

Their eyes met and suddenly there was no thoughts and no consideration, and there was only _them,_ the feeling of being so close and _together._ And in that hazy, blurry moment, hand searching and grasping and never letting go, Javier felt like they were meant to be forever, because no one else would ever make him feel that way.

„I love you.”

Javier didn't even register the words escaping his lips, but Yuzuru let out a quiet, helpless whimper, his body trembling, and Javier let himself get lost in the feeling, in the closeness and intimacy, until they were melting, fading into each other, and suddenly there was no end and no beggining, and two hearts beating as one.

 

 

Javier was lying on his side, his fingers tracing Yuzuru's face gently.

There were still a traces of tears in Yuzuru's eyes, his expression soft and open.

„You okay?” Javier asked, his voice coming out a bit muffled.

„I'm great.” Yuzuru said, smiling lazily and sunnily, and Javier had missed that smile so much it hurt.

It must have been visible on his face, because Yuzuru's smile fell, his eyes turning serious.

Javier hated how weak he suddenly felt, and he was mad at himself for being like that in that moment, for feeling so overwhelmed and vulnerable yet again.

„Hey” Yuzuru said, moving closer „Why that face?”

„I was so scared you wouldn't come back.” Javier said quietly.

Yuzuru's mouth twisted and he covered Javier's hand with his, pressing it to his cheek.

„I thought about it.” he murmured „When you left, I just thought that it would be better. For you.” he breathed deeply, giving Javier small, pained smile „I was so tired of hurting you.” he admitted softly and Javier's heart almost broke.

„One day-” he said quietly, hoarsely „- one day, you'll forgive yourself, just like I forgave you.” he muttered, and Yuzuru blinked rapidly, as if he was trying to stop tears from falling.

And then, he smiled.

Yuzuru didn't say anything; but he gently took Javier's hand and kissed his palm softly, each touch speaking of love and gratitude.

„I don't know if I can.” Yuzuru said quietly, moving closer so their faces were only inches away „Because I still remember Toronto, and how I felt when you were shot. I didn't exactly understand my feelings then, but a part of me wanted to die. I wanted to be the one lying there, because it would be easier to bear. And then in Japan... it all came back to me, stronger than before, and I thought I wouldn't take it.” Yuzuru said, smiling sadly, and Javier's chest was so tight he couldn't breathe „I don't think even you can change that part of me.”

„I won't stop trying anyway.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like it? Hate it? Don't hesitate to yell at me.  
> Oh and this is [the chapter's song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POP9_phDB2g).  
> Tbh I've never been more stressed about posting something hah. Thank you so much for reading!  
> AND don't worry, the case part will be all explain in the last part, it kinda didn't fit into my idea for this chapter, sooo yeah. But no worries, I didn't forget about that!


	8. light me up again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and feels. That's all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see it's not the last chapter, I'll add a short epilogue in a few days! This is one warm and fluffy but I was kinda struggling with it, I so hope you'll enjoy!

 

„Hey” Javier smiled, taking Yuzuru's hand and squeezing it gently „You don't have to be nervous.”

„I'm not.” Yuzuru said and Javier raised his eyebrows pointedly, not buying that at all.

They were sitting in a bus, wearing their pretty elegant clothes and heading to a resturant in the centre where Javier's aunt was throwing a birthday party for family and friends. It had been almost a month since Yuzuru had come back, but he still didn't have enough courage to meet with Javier's parents, too anxious about what they were thinking about him. Javier was constantly telling him that they didn't hate him at any point and that it would be okay, but didn't push. But when aunt Alejandra had called him with an invitation and a request to bring _that mysterious partner of yours that I need to meet finally_ , he thought that it was a pretty good idea. A lot of his family members still hadn't met Yuzuru, and Javier thought that it was a perfect opportunity- there would be a lot of people, so Yuzuru wouldn't feel trapped in a small space and there was no risk of awkward silence.

Yuzuru had agreed hesitantly, but Javier could see anxiety in his eyes, a fear of being judged and misunderstood.

They were both trying to make this work, and it sometimes felt like a brand new relationship, with long talks in the night, careful kisses and shy smiles. They were talking a lot, and Javier was constantly suprized with how deep Yuzuru's emotions and feelings were rooted, and how much he had been hiding. But he was motivated to change, to get better, for the sake of himself and their relationship, and Javier was trying to help him the best he could.

„Remember that we can leave anytime.” he reminded Yuzuru, playing with his fingers „Or we can get off the bus now-”

„No, it's okay.” Yuzuru put on a brave smile „I miss them.”

„Okay.” Javier smiled softly, warmth spreading in his chest as he saw Yuzuru trying so hard.

The restaurant was already filled with people, buzzing with music, loud chatter and laughter of children running around the tables. Yuzuru actually stopped at the entrance, eyes going wide at the sea of people in front of him, and Javier felt that maybe it wasn't such a good idea in the end.

„Do you-” he started, but was interrupted by a loud squeal next to them.

„Javi!” aunt Alejandra smiled at him, kissing his cheeks affectionately „It's so good to see you, my boy, it's been about a year!”

„Happy birthday!” Javier grinned, hugging her back „Thank you so much for inviting us.”

„Of course.” she said warmly, turning her eyes to Yuzuru „It's so nice to finally meet you, dear.” she said jovially.

„You too.” Yuzuru smiled politely, accepting aunt Alejandra's short hug.

„I'm so happy you're both here.” she said once again, smiling „Javi, your parents and Laura are already here, you sit at one table with them and Sofia.”

„Great.” Javier smiled, taking Yuzuru's slightly sweaty hand.

„You good?” he muttered and Yuzuru gave him a tense smile.

„I almost forgot how affectionate you Spaniards can get.”

It took them a few minutes to get to their table, greeting all those members of the family Javier hadn't seen for months.

Laura spotted them first and waved enthusiastically; and Javier heard how Yuzuru inhaled sharply.

He had nothing to be afraid of; Javier had made sure that his parents and Laura knew what was going on, but Yuzuru still seemed stiff and unsure.

„Hello, Yuzu.” Javier's mom smiled warmly, standing up and caressing his cheek „It's so nice to see you.”

„You too.” Yuzuru said a bit hoarsely, but collected himself quickly. He greeted Laura and Javier's dad, and evan got engaged in some small talk. Javier put his hand on Yuzuru's thigh and he could feel how he started relaxing gradually. So when the others' attention wandered to cousin Miguel and a mysterious girl he was dancing with, Javier chose that moment to do some check up.

„It's not that bad, right?” he asked, his lips just barely brushing the shell of Yuzuru's ear.

„I'm good.” Yuzuru muttered, turning his head so their noses touched for a moment before he drew back with a slight smile „It was stupid of me to be so scared.” he said, scrunching his nose, and Javier felt an overwhelming wave of affection and he almost forgot about fifty people surrounding them. He raised his hand, brushing hair falling into Yuzuru's eyes.

„You're just as disgustingly sweet as I imagined from Laura's stories!”

Javier rolled his eyes and turned to see at the new person sitting by their table, grinned at him smugly.

„Hello, Sofia.” he said and she giggled „Your attitude hasn't changed a bit.”

„You love me anyway.” she said, sticking out her tongue, and then looking at Yuzuru „So you're the mysterious guy that half of the family is gossiping about?”

„I guess. I mean, unless he's going out with someone behind my back.” Yuzuru said and Javier was thrilled to hear him joking.

„Amazing.” Sofia clapped her hands with delight „Handsome and funny, you hit a jackpot, dear cousin.” she announced and Javier snorted loudly „Do you like to dance, Yuzuru?”

„Well-”

„Great, let's go.” Sofia jumped and dragged very confused Yuzuru to the middle of the restaurant where other people were already dancing. Javier laughed at Yuzuru's distressed expression, but didn't think he had to intervene.

„It's good to see both of you smiling.”

Javier turned to look at his mom, who was smiling at him gently across the table.

„Yeah. We're working on it.” he said, returning a smile, and she tilted her head.

„He was really scared to meet us, am I right?”

„He was.” Javier admitted quietly, his smile fading a little, a little pang deep in his heart „He was really scared you wouldn't forgive him.”

„We all make mistakes, and we all hurt people we love, sometimes, without wanting to.” his mom said gently, shrugging her shoulders.

„We all like him in here.” Laura added with a smile „Even though for a moment I had a plan to go to Japan and yell at him. But we all get it, really.”

„He knows that.” Javier assured them „It's just- he still has to learn. We both do.”

„Well, right now he's clearly learning to deal with kids.” Laura snorted, and Javier looked over his shoulder to see Yuzuru surrounded by a few kids dragging him to dance with them. For a second Javier considered saving him, but then Yuzuru looked up and gave him bright, although a little bewildered smile, and Javier knew that he was doing good.

„By the way, Javi.” Laura's voice brought him back to reality „Could you tell us about that gruesome case a little or is it a top secret?”

Javier flinched slightly at that, and then sighed deeply. Yuzuru had told him everything and he knew that he could share that, counting in the fact that his family already knew some facts.

„It was kinda messed up.” he admitted „One guy, the one who, you know-” he waved and they nodded „- so he got involved with some bio-chem stuff. It was pretty messed up, like from some Bond movie. They had this lab in the middle of Russia when they were creating and testing some weird stuff. I honestly don't know if they were crazy scientists or terrorists planning somethig.” That was still wicked to him and Javier couldn't really wrap his mind around it; he would have never came out with a story like that, but some people's mind were truly twisted „And that guy, Akito... he was helping them, because he was working in the city hall, in transport, and he helped them with manipulating some documents and permits. But you know what's the most messed up?” he stopped for a better impact „He did all of that because he wanted to give his brother away to those guys. He hated him that much.”

„But why?”

„First of all, I'm pretty sure he's not completely right in the head. And for what I've heard, they never got along. Apparently their mother had a soft spot for Kazuo and Akito couldn't accept that.” Javier shrugged „Can we switch to something else, that topic still gives me goosebumps.”

„What topic?” Yuzuru asked, flopping on the chair next to him and almost making him screech.

„Aunt Alejandra's third marriage.” Laura deadpanned and their dad almost spat out his wine. That topic really was dreadful.

„Totally.” Javier nodded, squeezing Yuzuru's thigh; he didn't want to bring back bad memories in front of Yuzuru, now that he was looking so relaxed „You had fun out there?”

„Little munchkins really wanted to play with me.” Yuzuru said, making a face „Also, your aunt interrogated me and now I know who you've your talent after.”

Javier laughed at how accurate that was and pressed a short kiss to Yuzuru's cheek.

It all continued without a hitch then, all laughter and dancing, and probably a few too many wine glasses. It was warm and familiar, and Javier was so happy that Yuzuru seemed to feel relaxed and comfortable. It was amazing, to see him smiling and just a little bit flushed from all that wine he had, and talking with other people without fear and catiousness. That was what Javier wanted for him, to open up, not onlt to him, but to everyone, to teach him to to act around people without hiding behind the wall.

He was already different from that guy he had met in Toronto, cold like unforgiving Canadian winter. He would have never thought, back then, how much depth Yuzuru was behind those dark eyes, so much luggage, but also so much kindness.

„Javi, what was your first impression when you met?” Sofia asked, giggling into her glass „Was it love at first sight?”

„Oh no.” Javier shook his head with a laughter „We had to work together, and it didn't start off pretty well. There were some differences in our methods and we butted heads a little, but in the end I won him over with my charm.”

„Sure you did.” Yuzuru said, rolling his eyes, and Sofia leaned forward with interest.

„What about you, Yuzuru?”

„Well, the first thing I noticed was that he was hot.” Yuzuru said bluntly and Javier almost sucked his drink through his nose „So I decided to dislike him forever.” ha added, turning to Javier and giving him a surprisingly soft smile „But then he won me over.”

„This is so cute!” Sofia squeaked while Laura made a disgusted sound.

„Come one, I've gotten diabates just from watching them.”

„Laura, dear, don't comment their love life, because they might do the same to you.” their mom noticed and Laura gaped while Javier almost fell from the chair from laughter.

„I just got trolled by my own mother.” Laura whined theatrically „I need to drink for that.”

There were more jokes and laughter, but soon Javier noticed how Yuzuru's eyelids started fluttering and he knew what that meant. He smiled at him gently and spent the next ten minutes on saying goodbye to everyone before he dragged Yuzuru into the taxi. Javier gave the driver their adress and let Yuzuru put his head on his shoulder.

„You had too much wine, baby?” Javier asked, smiling into Yuzuru's hair.

„I'm just tired.” Yuzuru mumbled „You Spaniards are so exhausting.”

Javier opened his mouth but then closed it, deciding to waste that brilliant joke opportunity for sake of their poor driver.

„But you had good time, right?”

„Real good.” Yuzuru draw back a little so he could smile at Javier gently „I missed your parents and Laura. And it was nice to meet the rest of your family.”

„I was afraid it would be too much to take for you.”

„You know I like challenges.”

They looked each other in the eyes, and Javier was suddenly caught up in the moments, watching the night light moving on Yuzuru's face, bringing his features from the darkness. Javier's heart was suddenly in his throat and for a moment it was hard to breathe and-

„If you guys wanna make out I can turn the music louder!” the driver exclaimed good- naturedly and they both laughed, Yuzuru leaning his forehead against Javier's shoulder.

„We can wait.”

 

 

„I thought you were tired.” Javier mumbled and Yuzuru snorted against his lips.

„I was.” he admitted, tugging at Javier's shirt „But I've slept for thirty seconds in the car, I'm good to go.”

„Apparently.” Javier grinned suggestively and Yuzuru groaned.

„I hate you.”

„You don't.”

„A lot.”

„But you for sure like my body.”

„Oh shut up.”

 

 

„So-” Javier said, his breathing a bit hard „- you still hate me?”

„Mhhh.” Yuzuru mumbled, turning on his side and pressing his slightly trembling body against Javier's „You're just awful.” he said, pressing a kiss to Javier's shoulder and making him chuckle.

A few weeks earlier he had been scared how it would look like between them, also in the physical aspect. But, somehow, it was something what was helping get through that time, when their words were still failing them and they still needed to be close and express what they were feeling, shared intimacy filling the missing pieces.

„I can hear you thinking.” Yuzuru muttered, moving to press soft kisses against Javier's neck „What's that?”

„I was just wondering if you're tired now.” Javier said smugly, grabbing Yuzuru's waist and pulling him on top of his body. Yuzuru giggled, leaning forward and putting his hands on the sides of Javier's head.

„Oh really.” he said teasingly, a little smirk on his lips, and Javier's heart suddenly started beating wildly against his ribs. Yet again, he felt caught in the moment, and he had that bizzare feeling that it was a dream, Yuzuru smiling over him; everything was warm and perfect, but his chest felt so tight, and he was feeling strangely vulnerable.

„Hey” Yuzuru said with soft concern, one of his hands cupping Javier's cheek „What's the matter?”

It was kind of funny, that now Yuzuru was the one asking Javier to tell him what he was feeling.

„I really love you, you know?”

He didn't remember if he had said that already earlier that day, but it didn't matter. Yuzuru deserved to hear that a thousand times and it still wouldn't be enough.

Yuzuru's face turned almost unbearably soft as he inhaled sharply through his mouth. He swallowed visibly and then licked his lips, leaning so close that their noses were almost touching.

„You know-” he whispered, his voice slightly trembling „- I'm not tired at all.”

Javier laughed wetly at that, tipping his head up a little so they could kiss.

That was the thing about their relationship, the dynamics changing all the time. Sometimes Javier was the stronger one, helping Yuzuru to fight his demons and dragging him back from the darkness; but then there were moments like that, when Javier suddenly felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, and then Yuzuru was always there to catch him.

 

* * *

 

„Hey Javi?”

„Hmmm?” Javier hummed absently, occupied with filling charts with his students test results „Oh, you want me to tone the music down?”

It was an ordianary weekday evening, Yuzuru sprawled on the bed with some papers and Yuzuru sitting by the desk, one of his playlists playing in the backround.

„No, no, that's fine.” Yuzuru said, but didn't add anything else; Javier typed in a few more things and turned around in his chair.

Yuzuru was looking at him with a slight smile, as if he was thinking about something deeply.

„What.” Javier asked, his lips curling up into a smile.

„I just-” Yuzuru tilted his head and then his grin turned a bit sly „- do you wanna dance?” he asked suddenly, straightening up, and Javier raised his eyebrows.

„You know what I think about dancing.” he said and Yuzuru pouted.

„But I like this song.” he whined and Javier made a face.

„You're hearing it for the first time in your life.” he remarked, but Yuzuru ignored it, hopping out of bed and making his way to Javier, grabbing his hands and pulling him up.

„Come on.” he said, and there was a sudden softness in his voice, just a trace, but clearly visible for Javier. So he put his hands on Yuzuru's waist obediently, making faces at the slight ridiculousness of the situation. But seconds later he let himself drown in the moment, in slightly awkward movements of their bodies, the soft song they were swaying to, the familiar warmth of Yuzuru's breath on his cheek.

„Hey Javi.” Yuzuru whispered, quieter and softer than before, and Javier smiled, feeling something warm blooming in his chest.

„What?” he murmured, one of his hands moving on Yuzuru's back.

Yuzuru let out a deep, shaky breath and cleared his throat quietly.

„I was wondering if, maybe, one day- would you like to marry me?”

Something like a chuckle escaped Javier's lips; he wasn't even surprised to be honest, he just felt warm and familiar and sure.

„You just wanna get a citizenship, am I right?” he asked and Yuzuru snorted against Javier's neck, drawing back a little to look at him.

„You're terrible. Absolutely and utterly terrible.” he said, his voice shaking, and he put one hand over Javier's heart, fingers curling on his t- shirt.

That was where they were now; Javier knew that it wasn't a true proposal, not yet. It wasn't the right time in their relationship, still, and Yuzuru's mind still weren't in a good place. But Javier knew what it was- a promise, a commitment. Hope for their future together.

So Javier smiled and put his hand over Yuzuru's.

„I'd like that.” he said softly, pressing a kiss to Yuzuru's temple „But I expect a very spectacular proposal.”

„I've a bunch rom-coms quequed so I can start searching for inspiration.”

„I vote for Colin Firth.”

„Ugh, will you ever let that go?”

„Never.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the [proposal song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsF86vz-xD4) if you want to get into the mood! Hope you liked it and see you in the last chapter!


	9. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And they still hold on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost tearning up, I hope you enjoy this one!

 

In the end, it was Javier who did all the proposing.

It was a morning after Yuzuru's birthday, with blurred December sun filling the room and shining on both of them. Yuzuru whined quietly when the light hit his face and he turned on his stomach, nuzzling into the pillow. Javier watched him with amusement, his fingers playing absently with Yuzuru's hair.

Things were so good now, so much better than he had expected a few months earlier. It was more than he had ever had with anyone else, more that he could ever imagine. Yuzuru seemed to be in a good place too; he was calmer, smiling a lot, and that shadow of uncertainity was mostly gone from his eyes.

„Wakey wakey.” he sang, tickling Yuzuru's back „It's almost lunch time!”

„I don't wanna.” Yuzuru whined, trying to swat Javier's hand away „It was a long night.”

„Well, that's a valid point.” Javier grinned at that very fresh memory „Come on, I'll make you an omelete.”

Yuzuru opened one eye to look at him.

„The special one?”

„The special one.” Javier nodded, smiling smugly „You need a lot of energy.”

Yuzuru groaned and hid his face in the pillow.

„Five minutes.”

„If you don't show up I'll eat everything myself.” Javier warned him before standing up and putting on his boxers in an attempt at decency. He barely prepared all ingredients when Yuzuru padded into the kitchen only in his pyjama pants.

„Hey, it's been like two second only.” Javier said and Yuzuru shrugged, pouring himself a glass of water.

„I missed you already.” he said in between sips and Javier suddenly got the best of ideas.

„Hey!” Yuzuru protested when Javier took his glass away and then screeched when suddenly he was picked up and sat on the counter „What are you doing?”

„You know, I'm kinda disappointed.” Javier said, placing his hands on the counter and leaning forward „It's been months and you still didn't do a proper proposal.”

Yuzuru gaped, staring at him with wide eyes, a slight blush creeping on his neck and cheeks.

„I, um-” he stuttered, dropping his gaze to the floor „I was planning to?”

„Oh you were?” Javier asked, a trace of laughter in his voice „Because you knew I'd say yes and you still didn't ask.”

Yuzuru was fully red now and Javier quite enjoyed seeing him so adorably flustered. But he kind of knew Yuzuru's reasons, the echo of an old anxiety still sometimes visible in his features. Javier was all about jokes and slight teasing, but in the end, he knew Yuzuru, he knew all of him now.

So they were going to do that now, on a late December morning in their tiny kitchen. Yuzuru was staring at him from the counter, biting his lip, and Javier had never felt so much in the right place.

„So how it's gonna be?” Javier asked, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling „Are we going to get married?”

„Yes we are.” Yuzuru said, smiling a bit shyly, and the only reasonable thing to do was to kiss.

„That was romantic.” Javier chuckled in between kisses, wrapping one hand around Yuzuru's waist to pull him closer „But I felt like I had to make a move.”

„You ruined my big Colin Firth plan.” Yuzuru mumbled „I just couldn't decide between _Love actually_ and _Pride and prejudice._ ”

„We can always do a retake.” Javier grinned, drawing back a little, but Yuzuru was having none of it.

„That one was perfect.” he said, pulling him closer.

 

* * *

 

Javier looked around the store and he suddenly was very, very happy that he brought Laura and their mom with him.

„You sure you don't need a new suit too?” his mom aske for the forth time and Javier smiled gently while shaking his head.

„I still have these two I bought in Toronto and I barely wear them. And I'm not going to buy a brand new one just because I'm getting married.”

At that his mom's eyes started shining suspiciously.

„I still can't believe my little boy is getting married.” she said and Laura rolled her eyes.

„He's over thirty, mom, it's high time.”

„You don't say.” Javier noticed, smiling devilishly, and Laura gaped.

„You wanna make Yuzuru a widower before wedding?” she asked darkly and he started laughing.

„Have I overheard correctly?” a smiling salesclerk asked, appearing next to them „How can I help you with preparing for that special day?”

„He needs a decent shirt and a tie that's not dotted or with snowmen.” Laura said firmly, patting Javier's back and he pretended to be offended.

„Hey, my snowmen tie is cute!”

„Sure.” she said and their mom sighed deeply.

„I apologize, mentally they're both teenagers.” she said and the salesclerk- her name badge said that her name was Blanca- clearly tried so surpress a grin.

„I'll be happy to help. What's the color of the suit?”

„Graphite.”

„Very nice.” Blanca nodded „I've some ideas.”

It wasn't as terrifying as Javier had been dreading. They all agreed on a white shirt, simple but of excellent quality, and a really nice blue tie.

„Well, that wasn't that bad.” he joked when they left the store and Laura chuckled.

„But you're happy we went with you, right?”

„Of course. I'd pick that cute one with Darth Vader-” he couldn't finish his sentence because Laura elbowed him jokingly.

„Of course you would. By the way, I'm stealing you for drinks, message your man that you're gonna be late.”

Javier couldn't really say no to that.

Ten minutes later they were sitting in bar nearby with glasses in their hands. The place was half- empty and there was some chilling music feeling the space around, and Javier felt very relaxed and very comfortable.

„So-” Laura started, taking a sip of her beer „You excited?”

„I am.” Javier admitted with a grin „You know, a part of me is convinced that nothing will change that much. I mean, we live together, and we've been through more than an average couple after two years of knowing each other.” he chuckled, but then his smile turned more serious „But I think... I think it's the right thing. And that it will bring us only good.”

Laura looked at him, her gaze wise and serious, such a contrast to her previous teasing and jokes.

„Do you think he's ready for that?” she asked and then sighed when Javier made a face „You know I like him and I'm so happy for you two, but I can't help it, I gotta be protective over my little brother. That's my duty.”

„He has grown so much, you know?” Javier said quietly, fiddling with his glass „I think he finally came to terms with everything and with himself. I just-” he shrugged, smiling sheepishly „I want to make him smile everyday for the rest of my life. And also make sure that he won't run away.”

Laura stared at him for a moment longer, a smile blossoming on her lips.

„Jeez, you're so smitten.”

„Guilty.” he chuckled and she patted his back.

„You're making me jealous, maybe I should intensify my searching for the one.”

„Tell me his name as soon as you do, I'm so gonna tell Yuzuru to run him through their interpol database.”

 

 

He got back home a little tipsy and Yuzuru snorted when he saw him.

„I thought you'd be later.” he said and Javier grinned.

„Laura has a very responsible job and can't allow herself to be hangover.” he said, taking his shoes off „I need tea.” he announced, pacing to the kitchen and turning the kettle on „You want some?”

„I'm good, thanks.” Yuzuru smiled and then leaned against the counter, looking at him warmly.

„What?” Javier asked, dropping a tea infuser into a cup and turning to look at Yuzuru with a grin.

Yuzuru stared at him for a moment, biting his lip as if he was considering something.

„I asked to be transferred to Analysis.” he said and Javier gaped.

„Wha- what?”

Yuzuru was still smiling, almost bashfully, and for a moment lowered his gaze to the floor before he looked at Javier again.

„I just thought it was the right time to leave the field work behind.”

„But you love this job!” Javier stuttered, shell- schocked. Yuzuru was still so young for a field agent and he had long years of work ahead of him.

„I love you more.” Yuzuru said and Javier's heart screeched.

„No no no.” he said, taking Yuzuru's hands in his „You don't have to sacrifice your job for me-”

„I'm not sacrificing anything.” Yuzuru said gently, freeing one of his palms from Javier's grasp and cupping his cheek „I just... look at all of that in a different way now.” he tilted his head, thumb brushing over Javier's cheekbone „I guess things like that change priorities.”

Javier chuckled at that despite feeling bewildered.

„You've good memory.” he said and Yuzuru hummed quietly, leaning a little bit closer.

„I didn't understand, back then. When you told me why he left police, I thought that it was the most stupid thing ever. But now I get it, and it's not a sacrifice, Javi. It's just a change.”

„Wow.” Javier said, a bit shakily „When did you get that wise?”

„Is it gonna be too cheesy if I say that I learned that from you?”

„So cheesy.” Javier whispered before leaning in and pressing his lips to Yuzuru's.

In the end, he had to boil the water again.

 

* * *

 

 

They got married in late March in the city hall, accompanied only by their parents and sisters. They were trying their best at keeping their faces straight and not bursting into giggles, but judging by Laura and Saya's stern looks, they were doing pretty poor job.

It was bizzare in the best kind of way, to stand in front of each other, holding each other's hands and repeating after a smiling clerk; words that would tie them in yet another way, only making their bond stronger.

„And now you're married! You can kiss if you want to.” the clerk announced, clearly surpressing a grin.

„Just keep it PG, I beg you.” Laura muttered and Saya snorted at that.

Javier didn't really intend on fulfilling that wish, but Yuzuru kept giggling and making his job difficult.

„Guys, I'm starving!”

„Jeez, Laura, can't you let me enjoy my first minutes of marriage?”

„You can enjoy it while eating!” she exclaimed and Javier grinned, knowing that she was just playing.

The resturant where all their guests were already waiting was pretty close, so they decided to take a walk there; Javier and Yuzuru's hands were still joined as they walked down the street, and it felt so natural and normal, but at the same time Javier had never felt more confident in his life.

They were married now. Huh.

„You're grinning.” Yuzuru noticed, squeezing his hand.

„I'm thinking that now you can't really run away from me.”

„As if I was ever planning to do that.” Yuzuru said softly and Javier just smiled at that, deciding to leave that out. It was a happy day

There was a lot of screaming, laughing and clapping when they entered the restaurant, their families and friends gathering around to congratulate them. It had been to a real struggle to narrow down their guest list, but they didn't really wanto to have a big party, just a dinner and a little dancing with their close ones. Still, it was a pretty wild mix, with people from three different countries and between ages four and eighty.

„Javi!” Hima squeaked, hugging his legs and jumping with excitement „How it was, how it was?”

„Very short and very nice.” he chuckled, picking her up and kissing her cheek. Then Miki approached them, a big smile on her lips as she congratulated them, and then detached Hima from Javier and sent her to play with rest of the kids. In that moment Javier had to move his attention to one of his uncles, and when he looked back he saw Yuzuru listening to whatever Miki was saying with a slightly distressed expression.

„What's that?” Javier asked when they were finally sitting on their chairs, and Yuzuru shook his head with a pout.

„Why almost every woman in your life threatens to end me if I treat you bad?” he asked with a very fake worried expression and Javier almost choked on his wine.

 

 

„This is the greatest wedding reception I've ever attended.” Gabby announced, slumping on currently unoccupied chair by his side.

„Good to know you're having fun.” Javier smiled, glancing at the dancefloor where Yuzuru was dancing with Laura, deep in the conversation „Where have you lost your man?”

„He's not my man.” she said, but the blush on her cheeks was telling a different story „He ditched me for your cousin Ricardo to talk about computers.” she rolled her eyes „Men.”

„Oh, you're saying that all my prep talk was for nothing?” Javier asked teasingly and she rolled her eyes.

„It was kinda helpful, I admit. Thanks not so much for telling him that I find him cute tho, he'll never stop teasing me about it.”

„So you guys are doing okay?”

„Well, in the end he came for the New Year's-” she shrugged sheepishly „- we're working on it. I'm so taking notes from you guys.”

Javier chuckled at that, shaking his head a little. He smiled and took her hand, squeezing her hand gently.

„I need to thank you, Gabby.”

„For what?”

„For being the best friend I could ever asked for.”

„Don't say that to Patrick, because he might leave all his three newborns and fly in here to kick your ass.”

„Shush.” Javier waved at her with a laugh „He left me all alone with the city full of criminals and you were my only help.” he said jokingly but then smiled warmly „Without you, it would've been so hard. So thank you, for everything. Especially for telling Yuzuru where I work.” he added, coming back to the light, teasing tone, but Gabby's smile suddenly turned incredibly soft.

„I didn't want to, in the beginning.” she admitted quietly „I gotta tell you, I had some real troubles with him, even after all bonding in the hospital waiting room.” she said mysteriously „But I'm glad I finally did.”

„Me too.” Javier admitted, turning to look at the dance floor again. Yuzuru was still dancing with Laura, laughing about something, and Javier felt that warm, fuzzy feeling spreading in his chest.

„You know, I still remember when you two guys met.” Gabby said wiht a quiet laughter „I just walked into your office and I could literally see the tension vibrating between you. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere else and you looked so miserable.” she laughed again, softer „And now you're married. Who would've thought, right?”

Javier nodded absently and in that moment Yuzuru looked over Laura's shoulder and his eyes caught Javier's. He smiled broadly and his lips moved like he was saying something, and Javier chuckled.

„Yeah.” he said, his voice faltering a little, and he had never felt more in the right place „Who would've thought.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are! Thank you guys so much for an overwhelming support, for all the kudos and comments, you are the best! When I was starting plotting 'way down we go' back in May, I didn't think that story would grow so much. I'm kinda sad this story is ending, but I also think it ends in a good place. Although, I plan to write one more short story for this verse, but from a different pov, so stay tuned!  
> Once again, thank you so, so much, and I promise to come back soon with more fics for you <3

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Let me know in the comments, and thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Feel free to scream at me on [tumblr](https://whydidyouflyaway.tumblr.com), I'm terrible at managing my blog tho hah.


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